Goodbye darling, I love you
by m-is-for-MollyMansfieldMealing
Summary: What would have happened if it was Grace that was killed by Olive, rather than Laura? How would Connie have coped having to treat the old woman, all the while trying to keep her colleagues from knowing the truth?
1. Bitter Mornings

**Just and idea I got from last night's episode (14.2.15). Hope you enjoy, and please review if you can and let me know if you want me to continue or not! -Sophie x**

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It was that time of year where the winter sun beamed down each day, but the temperatures still stayed desperately low. Pulling her deep blue coat around her neck, Connie strode towards the entrance of the emergency department, taking some deep breaths and letting the crisp morning air cleanse her lungs.

"You can do this…" She whispered to herself, pulling her handbag further up her shoulder and looking at the door with apprehensive eyes.

"It's been 2 months, that's long enough. Come on…" Placing her clammy hands in her coat pockets, the woman walked forward and opened the doors, before letting herself be immersed in the chaos that each day in the department brought. She quickly walked straight through reception and into cubicles, where she veered off into her office before anyone could catch her.

Without noticing, her anxiety levels had risen and her chest had begun to constrict slightly. Connie removed her coat and sat down, taking some slow breaths. Her hair, now thin and mousey hung over her shoulders, and the uneasy pallor of her face lay exposed- her make-up hadn't been used since that very day.

...

_She awoke bright and early that morning, to the streets covered with inches of snow, and snowballs flying here and there. Grace had come bounding into her room, begging to go out and play with Laura, her best friend and next door neighbour. The two girls were inseparable during the holidays, and their mothers got on too. So naturally, Connie agreed._

_She dressed in a warm blue jumper and jeans before brushing out her hair, deciding to leave it loose. She applied her make-up and made Grace her breakfast before pouring herself a cup of coffee and following her daughter next door._

_"__Morning Susie." Connie had smiled, breathing in the strong fumes of her coffee. _

_"__Is Laura in?" Grace interrupted, "can she come play?"_

_"__Don't interrupt darling." Connie has told her sternly but Susie merely laughed, her cheeks rosy from the cold._

_"__Of course she can. Laura! Grace is here!" She called back into the hallway, and immediately a young girl with curly ginger locks came into view._

_"__Gracie!" She had exclaimed before running to her mother and getting her shoes and coat on. It was then that Connie's phone rang, so she went to the end of the garden to answer it._

_"__Yes this is Mrs Beauchamp… What? No, the last time I used it was at Waitrose yesterday… Oh god, right, ok… Yeah, I'll set off now. Who do I ask for? Olivia? Ok, thank you, see you then."_

_She made her way back to where Susi was stood at the door, watching as Grace and Laura started on a snowman._

_"__Susi, the bank just called, it looks like someone's been trying to use my card. Are you alright to keep an eye on Grace for an hour? Sorry to spring it on you like this-"_

_"__Oh don't be daft Connie, of course I will. She's a pleasure to have around is your Grace." She beamed and Connie sighed with relief._

_"__Thankyou so much!" She looked over to her daughter who was in the corner of the garden, looking for stones._

_"__Grace, come here a second!" She had called, and the little girl had bounded over, snowflakes trapped in her hair. Connie patted it down and took the hat from her pocket before placing it on her head. _

_"__I have to go to the bank darling, so Susie's going to keep an eye on you, ok?"_

_"__Ok mummy." She replied, obviously itching to get back to playing again._

_"__Please be good, and don't go wandering off! I don't want to hear that you went down Olive's end of the street like I did last time, I've warned you about her. Ok?"_

_"__Yeeeees, can I go now?" she whined, and Connie smiled before kissing her on the head._

_"__Of course. I'll see you when I get back. Goodbye darling, I love you."_

_But she didn't hear the last part as she'd already bounded off. Connie wished every day after that that she had stayed to do so._

_..._

As she sat with her hands curled around her coffee, deep in thought, there was a knock at the door causing her to jump and knock her mug.

"Shit!" She hissed, the hot liquid scalding her hands. She grabbed some tissues and mopped up the desk before dabbing at her hand.

"Come in." She called eventually, her voice faltering as she watched the door open to reveal Zoe and Charlie.

"See, I told you I saw her name on the rota!" Charlie exclaimed, "You made me think I was going mad!"

"Fine fine, I believe you." Zoe sighed before smiling. "Connie, nice to have you back."

"Wish I could say it was nice to be back." She mumbled, wincing as she caught her nail on the burnt part of her hand.

"Are you ok?" Charlie asked, and Zoe moved towards her, watching her hands.

"Oh, you've burnt yourself? How did you manage that?"

"Unexpected visitors." She said shortly, looking at the desk. Zoe and Charlie exchanged glances.

"Well you should get that under the cold tap, or maybe I could get you an ice pack? I-"

"I don't need molly-coddling Dr Hanna, I'm 47, not 7." Connie snapped, moving her chair so it faced away from them. She bent over, her hand on her knee and closed her eyes, trying to keep herself together in front of her colleagues.

From where Zoe was stood, she could see the outline of Connie's spine, and she realised her clothes hung looser than they did 2 months ago. Her hair had lost its professional shine, and she seemed a lot plainer and less glamorous than she used to. Frowning slightly, the consultant moved round until she was stood in front of the clinical lead's desk, and she knelt down until they were level.

"Connie, what happened whilst you were off?" She whispered, "You look like a whole new person, and not in a good way either."

Connie looked up, her teeth nibbling at the inside of her lip.

"Nothing happened." She replied quietly, "that's the problem."

Zoe's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean-" but she was cut off.

"I'm a bit too busy for a mothers meeting Zoe, don't you and Charlie have patients to treat?"

"Yes but-" The consultant began.

"Then go and treat them." Connie said through clenched teeth.

"Come on Zoe." Charlie said quietly. She stood and followed him to the door, and with one last look back, left the room.

"Something's wrong." She said thoughtfully, staring at the name on the door to her office from the nurse's station. "Whatever the reason was for her leave, it's changed her."

"Well whatever it is, it's obvious she doesn't want to talk about it." Charlie said gently. "So go play Sherlock somewhere else, somewhere you won't be fired for doing so."

Taking this as a hint, she picked up her files and made her way back to reception, passing Connie's door as she did so.

What she did notice was the fact she was holding the framed photo of Grace she kept on her desk.

What she didn't notice, however, were the tears streaming down her cheeks.


	2. Childish Innocence

**Hi!**

**Thankyou so much for your lovely reviews- they mean so much! Things get a little more interesting after this chapter, I promise :D I'm glad you're all liking it so far, and I agree with a lot of your comments- that episode was very dark and creepy, even for the Casualty team!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update and again, reviews are welcomed! :) -Sophie x**

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Connie stayed in her office until just after dinner, trying and failing to catch up on her paperwork.

When she found out about Grace, she asked the police to withhold her name, she told the ED that she had to go look after her aunt in Northumberland, and that she was taking Grace with her.

When actually, she stayed at home every day, wallowing in her sadness and wishing, dreaming, _hoping_ for all this to be a nightmare, and that at any moment her baby girl would come bounding in for a kiss and a cuddle.

But she never did.

Ever since that day, Connie spent most of her waking hours alone, refusing to talk or have any contact with other people. Susie and Laura had moved in with Susie's new fella Clark on the other side of Holby, so her only neighbouring house was empty.

For the first month, the clinical lead scoured every part of the city alongside some private detectives in search for her little girl. The other three victims had been found, all in different areas, but there was no sign of Grace anywhere. She was so full of worry and sadness that she forgot to eat, or felt so sick that she decided not to. Within the two months, Connie had lost a stone and a half, and her size 10 clothes were way too big for her. She had lost all colour in her skin, and her freckles had become very prominent across her nose and cheeks.

Her eyes, once piercing and intimidating, now only contained sadness and exhaustion. They looked empty, no trace of any emotion.

Once her lunch break was over, she decided to go out onto the shop floor, hoping it would take her mind off of her thoughts. Closing the door behind her, the woman made her way over to the nurse's station where Charlie was stood by the phone, not doing very much.

"I wasn't aware that we were so quiet Charlie." She murmured.

"Oh, we're not, no, I've just got off the phone, RTC and they needed a doctor. I sent Cal if that's ok?"

"Fine." She sighed, picking up some files. "Any idea of the casualties?"

"One elderly man with a foot injury and an elderly woman with suspected kidney damage. ETA 10 minutes."

"Right. I'll take the elderly woman, you can join me if you like, get Rita to assist. Zoe and Cal with the man, and Robyn to assist them?"

"Sounds ok. I'll get them organised." He smiled before walking off to the smaller resus. Connie ran her hands through her hair and followed him, branching off to go to reception.

"Noel, any quick ones?" She asked, looking round.

"Um…" he sifted through some files before handing her one. "Millicent Williams, 5, dislocated elbow?"

Connie paused, her hand on the file. A little girl?…

"Mrs Beauchamp? Do you want it or not?" Noel asked, tapping the back of her hand with it gently, causing her to snap back into reality.

"Um yes, yes please." She mumbled, taking the file and sifting through it.

"Millicent Williams please?" She called loudly, though her voice sounded strangled. The receptionist looked at her curiously.

"Everything ok Mrs B?" he asked as a woman and a little girl made their way towards the desk.

"None of your business Noel, and its Mrs Beauchamp, never Mrs B." She said quietly, smiling slightly as the mother and daughter reached her.

"Milly?" she asked and the little girl nodded, clutching her teddy bear tightly.

"She's rather shy." Her mother explained, "Sorry about that."

"It's fine. Follow me." She said, leading them to the only free cubicle and patting the bed for the girl to sit on.

"Right Milly, I just need to put the bone in your elbow back in place, ok?" She smiled softly, but the girl buried her head in her teddy. Connie decided to try another tactic.

"What's the name of your teddy bear?" she asked gently, sitting beside her on the bed. The girl looked up cautiously.

"Bobby." She whispered.

"Bobby? That's a nice name. Why is he called that?" she asked, noticing how her body relaxed.

"My dog was called Bobby until he ran away." She explained.

"Awh, I'm sorry about that." Connie said, only just noticing how much she looked like her Grace. Her long brown hair was in a plait over one shoulder, and her eyes were deep brown and sparkled. "What was your dog like?"

"He was a Charlie spaniel." She said quietly.

"Charles, spaniel." Her mother interrupted and Connie smiled.

"Charles spaniel. Was he energetic? Sleepy?"

"He was really bouncy and happy, and he always used to come and sit on my knee when I was sat on the floor-AAH!" Connie ever so slowly mover her hands to her elbow, and when she wasn't looking, moved the bone back in place.

"There you go, that wasn't so bad was it?" She stood up just as the noise levels in reception increased. "And your dog sounded lovely Milly, I'm sorry he ran off. I'll just go get a nurse to bandage you up then you can be off."

"Ok, thankyou Mrs… um…" Milly peered at the name badge she was wearing.

"Connie." She whispered, and the girl smiled.

"Thankyou Mrs Connie."

"You're welcome sweetheart. It was nice to meet you." Connie murmured before pulling back the curtain and making her way to reception.

"Connie, RTC's arrived!" Charlie called, poking his head out from the smaller resus.

"1 minute." She called back, noticing Lofty head towards the shop. She followed him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Lofty, young girl in cubicle 4, needs her elbow bandaging. Can you do it for me please?"

"But Mrs Beauchamp-"

"But nothing, go on please." She insisted and he sighed.

"Fine." He muttered, making his way through the swinging doors.

Connie strode towards the small doors that led to the smaller resus. She was a bit confused as to why she was put in there until she actually got to the room. She opened the door to find a small, elderly woman laid in the middle of the bed, with Charlie and Rita stood next to it, alongside… A policeman.

"What's going on?" She asked, putting on some gloves at the door and glancing over to the bed.

"This is Olive Russell," Charlie said slowly, and immediately Connie's eyes widened.

She knew that name.

She knew that name all too well.

"_The _Olive Russell?" She whispered, and took a step back.

"Yes." He replied, watching as she began to tremble and her eyes widened.

"Right." She said shakily, clenching and unclenching her hands. "Have you done an assessment? ABC's, U's and E's, LFT's and Amylase?"

"Yes, she's good apart from bruising to her left kidney. Swelling to her side and her SAT's are low." Charlie reeled off.

"Right." She repeated, her breathing slowly increasing. "Ok. Um…"

"Body CT?" He suggested and she nodded, looking at the floor. Charlie frowned before speaking again.

"Rita will you order that please." He asked before moving over to Connie.

"It's ok to sit this one out you know." The nurse said tentatively but she waved her hand.

"Why would I want to do that? No, she's just like any other patient." She said firmly, though inside she was petrified. All she could picture was her and her baby girl, and the many different scenarios that could have occurred.

"Are you sure?"

She looked at him and nodded. "I'm just going to make sure Lofty saw to the patient I asked him to, I'll be back in a minute."

With that, she left the room and walked as fast as she could towards her office, her little sanctuary. Once she got there, she went straight inside and slammed the door, leaning against the back of it.

She was here. Her daughter's killer was here in the hospital, and she had to treat her like any other patient. How was she going to do that, knowing what she had done? Knowing what she was capable of?

Connie closed her eyes and slid down the door until she was sat hugging her knees like a child. She felt like a child; vulnerable, scared and completely out of her comfort zone. Placing her head in her arms, she tried desperately to keep the tears at bay, but she wasn't strong enough. Exhausted, she let her emotions take over and stayed in that position until she felt herself come together again.


	3. Pure Desperation

**Hi!**

**After this chapter I have 4 more written that just need to be edited, and I'm still going so I don't know how long this fic will last... You see, whenever I get an idea for a fic, I have a vague plan then I just write and see what happens xD**

**Thankyou again for all your lovely reviews- this chapter made me kind of upset when I wrote it, mainly because I was picturing Susie during that scene in the episode and how desperate she was...**

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and again, reviews are always appreciated! I have to say, 23 reviews on just 2 chapters? I had no idea people were going to like it _that_ much! XD -Sophie x**

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After checking herself in the mirror, ignoring the prominent outline of her cheekbones that she had now become accustomed to seeing, Connie left her office and went back to the smaller resus, apprehension building with every passing second. Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the doors and slipped inside.

Olive was now sat up and her beady eyes soon spotted her.

"Hello sweetie. Are you my handsome young doctor's replacement?" She asked, looking round. Rita, who was stood on one side of the bed looked away.

"Dr Knight is busy so I am, yes. How do you feel, any pain?" She made her way over to the bed slowly, her eyes not leaving the floor.

"Hurts where my kidneys are but that's about it. Can't you give me any more pain relief?"

Connie looked over to Rita.

"She's had 20 of morphine already." The smaller woman crossed her arms. Connie paused, letting a hand rest on the side of the bed, the cool metal of a handcuff gently knocking against her.

"We can't give you anymore. However I can give you a nerve block which will stop all pain to the left side." Connie risked looking at her to find the woman looking at her curiously.

"Rita can you sort that for me please." She asked as she took her notes, and the young nurse nodded before leaving the room.

"Beauchamp." Olive said out of the blue, eyes staring intently at hers. Connie's head snapped up from where she was looking through her file.

"Excuse me?"

"Beauchamp, isn't it?" She said knowingly and Connie began to feel herself shake.

"You're the mother to that Grace girl. Ah, she was a lovely one. Always had a smile on her face, especially when I let her stroke Otis, my dog." The old woman could see she was getting to the consultant, so she kept going, watching as Connie's eyes closed and her chest rose and fell rapidly.

"I always kept some treats for her and her friend, Lauren was it? Lauren, Lauren… Laura, Laura that was it. Mmm, "the one that got away"… Yes, they used to come in and sit with him, sometimes for hours. Grace always wanted to stay for longer. She was a little joy that one, I never wanted her to leave…"

It was after that last comment that Olive suddenly grabbed hold of Connie's arm, making her physically jump with fright. The woman's eyes were wide and she was on the verge of tears, whole body shaking like a leaf. She felt herself begin to hyperventilate and she tugged to get free of the old lady's grasp.

"What do you want?" She whispered, pulling her hand in close. Just being in the same room with her made Connie's porcelain skin crawl.

"I need the lavatory dear, would you help me?"

The clinical lead just stared at her deliriously. Lucky for her, it was at that moment that Rita came back in with the required needle.

"Rita, give her the nerve block then help her with the bed pan would you." Connie muttered before dashing out of the room and leaning against the wall, breathing deeply as she did so.

What was she after? Connie thought, tilting her head back and closing her eyes again, what did she want to accomplish? Hadn't she caused enough heartache and suffering for one lifetime?

After giving herself 15 minutes to think and calm down, Connie decided she wanted answers. Now that the woman was here, she was going to make the most of it. No matter how upset or scared she gets, she wouldn't give up.

It's the least she could do for her baby girl.

She went back into the room. The clinical nurse manager was just removing the bedpan from under the sheets, and she found the liquid to be red.

"There's blood in her urine." Rita muttered, showing her the bowl.

"Right, thanks. Get a sample then send it up to be analysed- we need to make sure the kidney can't be saved before surgery is called." She muttered back, watching the retreating figure disappear down the corridor. Then she went over to the policeman that stood by her bed.

"I need to do an internal examination, so we're going to need a bit of privacy please."

"But I need to stay with her at all times…" He replied cautiously. Connie just rolled her eyes.

"She's in her 70's, handcuffed to the bed, with a dicky hip and damaged kidney. I don't think she's going anywhere, do you? Go grab a coffee or something whilst you can."

"Fine. I'll be sat in the waiting area if I'm needed." He said gruffly before leaving. Once the doors swung shut, Connie span to face Olive.

"What have you done with my daughter?" She demanded, her eyes losing their emptiness and being replaced by pure and utter fury.

"Oh wouldn't you like to know." She replied smugly, lips forming a tight smile.

"Tell me, now."

"Make me." Olive said simply, watching as Connie looked around her quickly and grabbed a scalpel.

"Tell me where my daughter is or you'll know about it." She hissed, feeling the tears make a reappearance as the old woman laughed.

"Oh like that will make me tell."

"I'll kill you!" Connie yelled, taking a step forward until she loomed over her, but Olive didn't seem fazed in the slightest.

"If you kill me, you'll never know where she is, will you?" Her eyes glittered as Connie's stance faltered, letting her scalpel hand fall slightly.

"Just tell me where she is so I can lay my baby to rest." She begged, eyes becoming pleading as she looked down at her.

"No." Olive replied stubbornly, and Connie moved forward again and raised her arm once more.

"Please, please! I just want to know where she is! I abandoned her too many times, I don't want to leave her again." The tears were coming thick and fast and the sobs racked her chest. "Please, please just give me a clue, something, _anything!_ She's all I had, I need to find her, I need to find my baby girl."

The doors swung open behind her and Charlie walked in, temporarily freezing as he took in the scene before rushing over to his clinical lead.

"Connie, Connie come on now, let's take a breather." He said soothingly, placing an arm around her gently and trying to move her, but the woman stayed strong.

"NO!" she yelled, "I need answers! I need closure, please!"

Charlie was taken aback at the state she was in, and felt a rush of sympathy for her.

"Come on, you need to get out of here." His voice remained steady as Connie swung her arm holding the scalpel and aimed it at Olive's chest.

Charlie shot an arm out to stop her, millimetres from the old lady's hospital gown. She struggled against his grip but he was stronger, until she eventually gave up.

"Come on Connie, let's go sit down." He whispered, pulling her into him and guiding her to the side room. They sat side by side, Connie's head in her hands as she howled, and Charlie rubbing her back soothingly.

"It's alright, its okay." He said quietly, feeling her shake beneath his touch as she broke down beside him, now just a mere shadow of her former self.


	4. A Shoulder To Cry On

**It's me again!**

**This one's only short- sorry about that! But to Ellie- I will update "Twice the affairs" when I get home- I write that in my notebook which is at my mums, but I'm currently at my dads :/ So look out for that later on!**

**Your feedback as per usual is always appreciated, and I hope all you English/maybe other countries (?) are enjoying half term! -Sophie x**

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Once she had calmed down a little, Connie sat up and dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve, not able to look at the man sat next to her.

"Sorry." She muttered, taking a tissue from the box on the coffee table and wiping her nose with it.

"Don't worry about it. However, I need to know- why did you get so emotional? I didn't know you had it in you." He looked at her as she glanced down to her feet, turning the tissue in her hands over and over.

"If I tell you," she said tentatively, "will it go any further than this room?"

"Of course not, not if you don't want it to."

"Ok." She took a deep breath before recounting what had happened two months previously. She told him all there was, about how they found the other three but not Grace, about how she couldn't eat or sleep or function properly, about how this was the only chance she had to find her daughter.

"Oh Connie…" Charlie said quietly, a hand over his mouth in sheer shock. "I had absolutely no idea…Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I couldn't. I was going to but I couldn't bring myself to do it." She whispered, biting one of her nails.

"Understandable I suppose, but why did you decide to treat Olive when you realised it was her?"

"I didn't want anyone to know, remember. If I refused to treat her, someone would have smelt a rat."

"Or we could have understood." He pointed out, watching as she began to gnaw on a piece of loose skin at the side of her fingernail. She didn't reply.

Charlie gently raised a hand and moved her finger away from her mouth, lowering it to her knees.

"Nasty habit." He muttered and she smiled slightly.

"I've always been a nail biter, ever since I was little." She admitted, clasping her hands and running her thumbs over each other. "My mother used to put this disgusting paste on them so I'd stop doing it. Grace took right after me." Her voice faltered and she fell silent again.

Charlie shifted where he sat. "I need to get back out there." he said, voice low, "why don't you take the rest of the day off? Get some rest."

"Charlie I took two months off to rest and look where that got me. Absolutely no-where. I need to know where she is." She looked at him, and he noticed something he had never seen in her before, watched as it grew in her eyes- vulnerability. He placed a hand on top of hers gently before standing up.

"Go camp out in your office then, go through your paperwork. I'll work on Olive, see what I can do."

Connie took another tissue from the box for her nose before she stood too.

"Are you sure? What about the rest of my team if they need me?"

"I'll make sure they come see me. Stick a note on your door or something." He smiled. "Come on, we'll go this way so you don't have to see her again."

The two went through the door at the other end of the room, which brought them out just before the door to cubicles.

"Go on, I'll see you later." He said quietly, placing his hand on her arm quickly before going back to Olive's room. She did as she was told, for once, and went back to her office. After making a quick "I'm busy, go bother Charlie" sign for her door, she settled down in her seat with a mug of hot chocolate, and began to trawl through her paperwork, chest a little lighter now she knew she was no longer alone in this nightmare that had become her life.


	5. People Care

**Another short one today but there are longer ones coming up, I promise :D **

**Thanks again for your kind words- I'm having a homework day today so maybe your reviews will get me through that without wanting to burn all my work xD**

**Hope you all enjoy and I'll update again tomorrow! -Sophie x**

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Once it got to 6 o'clock, Connie set her pen down with a sigh. It was almost time to clock off, and for the first time in two months, she was knackered.

Just as she piled all her papers up ready to be distributed, there was a solitary knock at the door.

"Read the sign." She called, but the door opened anyway.

"It's me, I can't exactly go bother myself can I?" Charlie grinned. He was holding a bag which he placed in front of her, much to her confusion.

"What's this?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Have a look and see." He shrugged, though he was smiling. Connie moved the bag and peered inside it, before pulling out a teddy bear.

"Wait, didn't this belong to-"

"-Milly." He interrupted. "She said she saw you crying earlier so she gave this to Lofty to pass onto you. I think there's a note in there as well."

She reached in again and found a small slip of paper. She opened it gently.

"Dear Mrs Connie,

I saw you by resepshon and you lookd realy upset, so I thort Bobby mite chear you up! I hope you feel happyer soon and I hope Bobby helps!

Milly xxx"

Connie looked up, her eyes brimming with tears. "Goodness, she _gave_ me it?"

Charlie nodded. "Without children, this world would one hell of a cruel place, wouldn't it?"

"Mmm." She agreed before giving the bear a quick squeeze. She looked up at the sound of a laugh to see Charlie with a wide grin on his face.

"What?" She asked indignantly, placing Bobby on her knee. "Why are you grinning at me like that?"

"You looked incredibly young then." He raised his eyebrows, "It was almost cute."

She raised also an eyebrow before standing up.

"Connie Beauchamp doesn't do "cute"." She said, gathering her handbag and coat together and placing Bobby back in his bag along with the note.

"Where are you going now?" He asked, opening the door for her and turning off the lights.

"Home, where else? If I'm not going to get any answers here then I may as well leave." She sighed, holding the door for him that lead to reception.

"Hang on, no you're not." He replied, and she stopped and turned to look at him.

"I'm not?" she crossed her arms as if to challenge him.

"No, you're not. You're coming home with me this evening for a hot meal and some company." He declared. "Come on."

"Charlie?" She called after him as he made his way outside to where the sun was beginning to set. "Charlie what about my car?"

"I'm pretty sure it'll be safe here. I'll text Tess and ask her to keep a special eye out for it if you want me to." He grinned as they got to his car. He opened the passenger side and motioned to the open door.

"In you get, Queen B."

She looked at him, head to one side before smiling. It was nice, having someone to rely on, someone that actually seemed to care about her. After looking round the car park quickly, she moved forward and gave him a quick hug.

"Thank you for caring." She whispered before moving away and climbing in. Charlie shut the door and made his way round to the driver's side before he too climbed in.

"Thank you for trusting me. And not stabbing me with a scalpel earlier." He replied with a smile as he started up the engine and drove them out of the car park.

"You know," Connie said, a hint of amusement entering her voice, "I'm not big on nicknames as most of the department know, but I quite like "Queen B". I think that one can stay."

Charlie chuckled. "Yeah, thought you might like it."

"Feel free to spread the word tomorrow." She smiled, placing an elbow on the car door and watching the houses shoot by.

"Thought you might say that as well." He grinned, and they sat in a comfortable silence all the way to Charlie's little semi.

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**Just a little note after a review I received- THEY ARE NOT GOING TO GET TOGETHER! I think of Charlie as a father sort of figure to the staff and thought he could help her a little. It's nothing romantic! Sorry if I didn't make that too clear ;D**


	6. Trapped Memories

**Bit of a longer one today :) **

**This chapter is a tiny bit gruesome near the end, just to forewarn you :D thank you again for your reviews, I love to know your thoughts! **

**Hope you all enjoy, and tomorrows update will contain some of that Connie Beauchamp sarcasm that we all know and love XD -Sophie x**TomHope you all

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"Do you like pasta bake?" Charlie stuck his head around the door to the living room where Connie was curled up in the armchair.

"Yes. Why, are you making one?"

"Yeah, it's either that or the leftovers from Tess' cottage pie, so I thought I'd make a bake. Strong cheese ok? It's all I have in I'm afraid."

"Charlie its fine." She smiled, "You didn't have to invite me in the first place, I'll get what I'm given. Though not a lot, I wouldn't want to waste it."

"Got it." He winked before disappearing back into the kitchen. Connie sighed, looking round at her surroundings. The room was predominately white, with a three piece sofa and an armchair of the same colour around an oak coffee table. They all faced the small, black flat screen TV that sat on an oak stand in an alcove next to the front window. His fireplace was white marble, with 3 photos along the top. Connie stood slowly and wandered over to it for a closer look.

The first one, nearest the window, was of a beautiful sandy beach, obviously somewhere tropical. The sun shone down and hit a shimmering blue ocean, clear and calming. The water lapped at the soft sand that lay home to many different shells, as well as two palm trees that casted a shadow over the camera lens.

The second photograph was of himself and Tess, at what looked to be their work's Christmas party the previous year. His face was red and grinning, most likely due to what seemed to be a pint in his hand. Tess was smiling widely, as if she didn't have a care in the world. Her face too was slightly red but Connie couldn't see any alcohol in her hands, and she smiled slightly before looking at the third framed picture.

This one was older, probably from the early 2000's judging by the people's clothes. It was of a man and a woman, with the woman holding a small child. The man was unmistakeably Charlie, and Connie hazarded a guess at the other two being his wife and son. She picked the frame up and looked at it closer, noticing how happy he looked, and how much younger he seemed.

"My Baz and Louie." Came a voice from behind her. She jumped, almost dropping the frame before turning round. Charlie was stood leaning against the doorframe, apron over his clothes which had been splashed with some kind of crimson sauce.

"Sorry, I was just curious…" her voice trailed off as he came over and stood next to her. Connie placed the picture back on the mantelpiece gently and stood back.

"The family picture I understand," she said quietly, "but why the beach and Tess?"

"Well the beach photo is from when I went to the Maldives a few years back. That beach was the first place I felt truly at ease, and whenever I look at that photo, the feeling always comes flooding back."

"The picture of me and Tess, well… Don't laugh, but that was the first time I had ever taken a "selfie"." He looked away as Connie tried, and failed to contain her amusement.

"Charlie the selfie whore, hmm?" She laughed and he rolled his eyes, imitating her perfectly.

"You laugh but I bet you've taken a fair few! Anyway, that was my first ever selfie and we were both so happy, so I thought I'd frame it. Bit of a reminder that I'm not as old as I think I am sometimes, that I'm still "down with the kids" as they put it."

The woman stood next to him raised an eyebrow.

"I'm about 20 years younger than you Charlie and even I'm not down with it, as Grace frequently reminded me."

The room went quiet after that and Connie descended into thought, picturing those times when her little girl wasn't so little after all, and could still give her mother a bit of lip. A loud oven timer went off and they both jumped.

"That'll be the pasta. Want to come through and wash your hands?"

She nodded slightly and smiled.

"I'll be in in a minute."

Charlie left, leaving the clinical lead looking thoughtfully at each of the pictures in turn.

One for serenity, one for reassurance and one for times that will no longer be, she thought, letting her eyes settle on the end photograph. She had one just like it at home, tucked away in Grace's baby box at the back of one of her drawers in her bedside table. Her eyes watered as she mulled over what she had just told herself.

_For times that will no longer be…_

Before she let herself get too immersed in her thoughts, she blinked a few times to get rid of the tears and smiled widely.

Things could be worse, she told herself, you could be at home again with another bottle of red. But you're not, so get in there and wash your hands and be grateful for small blessings.

As if she were going insane, Connie did exactly as she was telling herself, and finally went through to the brightly lit kitchen where Charlie was just dishing up the pasta bake.

"I've only put you a bit on so feel free to get yourself some more if you like, there's plenty left." He said, handing her a steaming plate.

"Thanks Charlie." She said gratefully, "Not just for this but for everything today. It… It means a lot."

"Wow, appreciation from Connie Beauchamp. That's going down in the book as a first." He chuckled, sitting down with his plate. "So, putting my nurse head back on, when was the last time you had a proper meal, aside from this one?"

Connie pushed the pasta round it its creamy tomato sauce before placing it in her mouth with a small sigh.

"I don't know… Do chips from McDonalds count?"

Her companion gave her a stern look.

"Alright then, it'll have been around 2 weeks ago in that case. I had a microwave spaghetti meal, if you want the specifics. Since then I've been living on crisps, fruit and takeaway chips." She decided to leave out the numerous bottles of wine.

"Beacon of healthiness." He gestured to her, a small smile playing on his lips. "What about sleep?"

"An hour or so a night? I think the most I've had since I was told was about 4 hours." She admitted, looking down at her plate.

"Is that it?" Charlie exclaimed, wiping his mouth on a piece of kitchen roll. "How do you stay upright? I have an hour less than usual and I end up grumpy all day."

"It's hard trying to relax your mind when all you want to do is scream with frustration."

"I can imagine."

They sat in silence after that until Charlie finished his food. Connie however, had only managed a few mouthfuls within that time, and he pursed his lips before speaking again.

"Look, Connie, I know you have a lot on your mind at the minute, but you really need to start looking after yourself, you've lost too much weight as it is."

After considering his words for a few moments, she looked up, face expressionless.

"My daughter is out there somewhere, alone. I have no idea where she is or what state she is in. One of the kids had no arms, Charlie. I keep imagining the different scenarios that could have taken place- burnings, the fact she might be missing a limb-" Her voice cracked and her eyes began to water.

"Don't put yourself through this-" Charlie began but she cut him off.

"-the fact parts of her could be here and parts there, she could have been made into dog food for all I know." She stopped there, tears streaming down her cheeks. Then she made the mistake of looking down, and seeing the red lumpy mess on her plate. She immediately gipped, shoved her chair back and dashed up the stairs.

Charlie ran a hand through his hair before standing up and emptying her plate in the bin. He had no idea that things were this bad. The only problem with Connie is that she can be a pretty good actress when she wants to be, concealing everything with an icy exterior too frosty for human touch.

And sometimes, that was a complete and utter _pain in the arse._


	7. A Watchful Eye

**Update!**

**Hope you're still enjoying this, and I'll probably be updating this either Sundays and Wednesdays alongside "The ED goes down under!" or I'll update whenever I can, haven't decided yet.**

**So, please do review if you get the chance, they really give me motivation to write! -Sophie x**

**(P.S- I've been writing in advance for this, and I'm now on 17,422 words! :O)**

* * *

The stomach churning sounds of vomiting floated down the stairs, amplified by the lack of furniture within his home. Charlie decided to leave it another few minutes before checking on her, and opted for clearing the kitchen instead. He washed and dried the plates and cutlery before putting them back in the unit, and put the table mats back on the side before pushing both chairs back under the table.

Then, rather hesitantly, he decided to check on his colleague as she had gone eerily quiet. He ascended the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door gently.

"Connie? Everything ok?" He called.

"Apart from the fact that I can't function properly and I feel like my life has no meaning anymore? Yeah, everything's hunky-dory." She replied sarcastically, obviously in tears. Charlie sighed and leant against the door. She was really infuriating sometimes.

"Have you thought about seeing a counsellor?"

"Both you and I know that will never happen."

"Maybe you should let it for once. You've seen how Ben worked wonders with Ash after Jeff's death, you know that they do help you come to terms with things like this."

"Yeah, well," she paused to blow her nose, "the police offered to refer me to one but I point blank refused."

"I can get one sorted for you?" Charlie proffered and he could practically _hear _the roll of her eyes.

"Fine, fine." He grumbled, checking his watch. It was almost half past 9.

"It's getting late, come on, you can help me get the spare room sorted."

"Spare room? I thought I was going home?" The lock on the door clicked and Connie opened it, looking slightly confused.

"If you think I'm going to let you home alone in this state then you've got another thing coming." He replied, moving over to the other side of the landing and opening one of the doors.

"Yes father." She muttered sarcastically, and followed him into the room. "You do realise I have no change of clothes, toothbrush, hairbrush or my tablets?"

"I do. Luckily I still have some of Shona's old clothes, and I have a hairbrush somewhere that I got given as a joke present for Christmas last year."

"Who's Shona?" She asked, curiosity taking over as she helped Charlie with the bedsheet.

"She was Louis' girlfriend, and the mother to my granddaughter, Megan. She left when she decided she couldn't cope with her."

"Oh. Well, sorry about that." She mumbled. "What clothes do I have to choose from?"

"Well I was thinking you wear hers to sleep in, then I wash yours and you can wear them tomorrow then."

Connie considered it before nodding.

"Sure I suppose. Though what about a toothbrush and tablets?"

"I'm sure there's a spare toothbrush in the cupboard on the landing, but I'm not sure about the tablets. What are you on?"

"Iron, microgynon… andantidepresssants." She finished quickly before padding out onto the landing and bending down to look in the cupboard.

"Wait, did you just say antidepressants?"

She didn't reply, instead sticking her head in the little cupboard and peering around for a toothbrush.

"You did!" Charlie said in surprise. "I thought you hadn't told anyone?"

"I was given a prescription for them by the police department after I refused to speak to a counsellor." She mumbled, emerging from the cupboard holding a small frog toothbrush.

"Bit young for you isn't it?" She remarked, pulling herself up using the bannister.

"It was Megan's." He explained, taking it from her and smiling at it fondly. "Well, it was going to be- she never got round to using it."

"Ah. So can I use it instead?"

Charlie shrugged his shoulders before handing it back to her.

"Sure. Unfortunately I'm not in the habit of keeping iron tablets, the contraceptive pill or antidepressants in my first aid kit, so you'll have to do without for tonight I'm afraid. We could go to work via yours tomorrow though if you like?"

Connie nodded before yawning slightly.

"I'll get you out some nightclothes, you go brush your teeth. Toothpaste is on the shelf."

She did as she was told, letting the cool peppermint toothpaste cleanse her mouth of the reminder of the pasta she had just thrown up. Spitting out the froth, she cleaned the brush and placed it gently on the shelf before washing her face then drying it on a towel.

When she got back to the spare room, she found a long black top and some leggings waiting for her. She changed quickly, feeling how baggy the leggings were, even though they were a mere size 12. Smoothing down the top, Connie looked herself up and down, pulling in the fabric to how it should fit.

It was then she realised just how thin and withdrawn she had become. There was now a prominent gap between her thighs, and she could place both her hands around her waist and they would touch quite easily. She sighed and sat down on the bed, just as Charlie knocked at the door.

"I'm decent." She called and the door opened. He was carrying her handbag and carrier containing Milly's bear.

"Came to get your clothes, thought I'd bring these up whilst I was at it." She smiled slightly and took them.

"Thanks. Here-" She placed the bundle of fabrics into his open arms, "they're ok to go in the same load and everything."

"Great. Well, the bathroom water's ok to drink and there are a few cups in there in case you get thirsty. Aside from that, that's about it. If you need me just give us a shout."

"Alright. Thanks, Charlie. Goodnight." She smiled slightly before pulling back the duvet and sheet.

"You're welcome. Sweet dreams." With that, he left the room and shut the door behind him, leaving Connie in silence. She went through her handbag for her lipsil then took Bobby the bear from his carrier bag, before climbing into bed and shoving her handbag on the floor.

"Looks like it's just you and me now Bobby." She whispered, holding the bear to her chest as she laid back on the pillow and closed her eyes. Outside her window, an owl hooted her to sleep; its call serenading her as she slipped away into the land of dreams.


	8. Sweet Dreams

**Hallo! **

**I know that for most today was your first day back at school, so I thought I'd update to congratulate you on getting through it!**

**Another slightly shorter one today, but the next one is longer I think ;D Hope you're all still enjoying and please leave a review if you can! Maybe with your thoughts as to what you think might happen soon?**

**Anyway, happy (or most likely, _not so_) first day back and I hope you enjoy! -Sophie x**

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Charlie was awoken in the middle of the night by loud sounds of thumping and muffled screams. He sat up and rubbed his head, confused as to where the noise could be coming from. Then it hit him-

Connie.

He threw the cover back and shoved on his slippers and dressing gown before making his way quickly to the spare room. Without knocking, he opened the door.

The woman lay tangled in sheet and duvet, eyes still closed but tears seeping through onto her red cheeks. It was obvious she was having a night terror, and she thrashed about on the bed, all the while wailing and calling out.

"Help me…" she cried, "anyone…"

Charlie went over to her and tried to untangle her limbs from the bedding. He knew from work that waking someone from a nightmare was tricky, but he sat down and tried to stir her anyway.

"Connie, its Charlie. You're free, and you're safe." He said clearly, over and over. It did no use however, and she continued to hit out until her arm caught the edge of her bedside cabinet. She let out an ear splitting scream and shot upright, eyes wide yet unseeing. Charlie placed a gentle hand on her arm, causing her to jump.

"Hey, Connie it's me, it's Charlie. You're safe." He whispered, watching as she looked around the room with eyes like a rabbit's caught in the headlights.

"I dreamt… I dreamt she got me… She got me and she wouldn't let go…" She whispered, her body still. "Grace was there… I was trying to get her but she got me first…"

"It's alright, it was just a nightmare."

She brought a nail to her mouth and nibbled on it, her hands visibly shaking. "That was practically a dream compared to this reality. At least I got to see her, at least I got to see my baby."

Charlie didn't know what to do, which was quite unlike him. The whole situation seemed quite surreal, looking at it at 3:30 in the morning. Here he was, sat on the edge of the bed in his spare room, trying to comfort his boss whose arms contained a patient's teddy bear, and whose daughter had been murdered but he was the only one to know.

"Wow…" he mumbled under his breath, "this is a definite first."

"What was that?" Connie looked at him, eyes still bloodshot from the tears, teeth still chattering.

"Nothing." He smiled before getting up. "Now you try get some more rest. I'll leave our doors open just in case you have another terror, ok?"

She nodded. Charlie made his way to the door and looked back at her illuminated face.

"Fingers crossed tomorrow will be better." He said quietly, but she just looked at him.

"Tomorrow's just another day." She whispered flatly.

...

Luckily, Connie managed to go the rest of the night without waking her colleague. However, that's mainly because once she awoke, she couldn't get back to sleep again. Shifting from one side to another, she stared into the darkness that encompassed her, nibbling on a fingernail.

"Oh Bobby." She whispered, falling onto her back and sitting the bear on her stomach. "What am I going to do?"

The bear looked down at her, fur sticking up all over the place, its deep chocolate eyes staring into hers. She sighed and laid it down on its front before looking up at the ceiling, her hands fiddling with the creature's little arms.

She felt like a burden, being there. She knew Charlie only meant well and wanted make sure she was ok, but using his spare room, eating (or not so much) his food, waking him in the middle of the night… It wasn't fair on him.

"I'm going soft." She mumbled before sitting up and checking her phone. The bright screen lit up the room and told her it was 5:07am, before the screen froze then went black- her battery had died. Connie closed her eyes, drawing her knees to her chest and placed Bobby under her chin. Her mind wandered to Milly and wondered how her elbow was, whether she was ok. It was scary, how much she looked like Grace, how sweet and good natured she was. It hurt to think about it, her heart aching with the pain and the knowledge that her baby could be gone forever.


	9. Not Most Women

**Lovely long one for you today! **

**In the next chapter, Charlie makes a mistake that may cost him Connie's trust... :O**

**Thanks for your lovely, encouraging reviews and I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I'm really enjoying writing it :) -Sophie x**

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The following morning, Charlie's alarm went off at 7:00am as per usual. He turned it off and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and trying to muster up the enthusiasm to get up and get ready for work. With a small groan, he stood up and grabbed his dressing gown before padding along to the bathroom. However, as he put one hand on the door handle, he heard the loud beep of the microwave and a clatter as the door shut. Frowning slightly, he made his way down the stairs and through to the kitchen.

Connie was sat at the table, two steaming bowls of porridge and two mugs of coffee in front of her. She looked up as he entered and smiled slightly, the bags under her eyes becoming ever so slightly more noticeable with each passing day.

"You made tea, I made breakfast." She nodded to the bowl and mug at the space next to her and he raised his eyes in surprise.

"Oh. Thank you." He said as he sat down, watching as she stirred the grey mush around her bowl.

"There's sugar in the cupboard above the breadbin if you want some? Or salt, if you prefer to go Scottish?"

Connie looked down at her bowl and shook her head. "I'm alright."

He nodded his head before taking a mouthful.

"How did you know I have porridge for breakfast?"

"Considering this is all I could find that was remotely breakfast-y, I just sort of assumed." She shrugged. "Or I'm a secret psychic, take your pick."

"Madame Beauchamp… Has a ring to it." He grinned, blowing his porridge gently. "Sleep well? Obviously, after…" his voice trailed off and she picked up her coffee, watching as it shook within her grasp.

"No, not really." She sighed, "But I'm used to it now. I got about 5 hours before the nightmare, which is more than I've had in a while, so things aren't all bad."

Charlie nodded, finishing off his porridge and leaning back.

"Little things, mm?" He stood and took his bowl and mug to the sink, Connie following him.

"I washed, dried and ran an iron over your clothes before I came up to bed last night. They're over there-" he motioned to the kitchen door, and the woman moved it to reveal her clothes hung up on some hangers.

"Charlie I could have ironed them, you didn't have to!" She exclaimed, reaching up and taking them from the top of the door.

"Don't be daft. If you're going to do a job then you may as well do it right. Tights and, um, underwear is on the side behind you." He said awkwardly, and she scooped them into her arms, cheeks tinted with pink.

"Thanks. What time do you usually leave for work?"

"8:00, but we can always go earlier or later if you like."

Connie shook her head. "No no, it's fine. I was just wondering if we'd have enough time for me to get home and take my tablets before we're due on shift."

"Course we will. I'm usually there too early anyway." He waved his hand before running the tap to wash up. "You go get dressed- that hairbrush I was on about last night is in my room, in the cupboard behind the door."

"Alright, thank you so much, for the clothes and everything." She smiled.

"Well, not many people can say they've handled Connie Beauchamp's underwear now can they?" He grinned, and smiled before pretending to think.

"Well, actually-" she began and Charlie laughed.

"Go get dressed, let me know when you're ready to go."

She nodded and left the kitchen before making her way up the stairs. She stopped at the bathroom and had a quick wash before dressing and doing her teeth. Then she went to Charlie's room and tentatively opened the door.

It was very simplistic- a double bed, set of drawers, wardrobe and a small table with a rather large mirror above it.

"Didn't have him down as vain…" Connie muttered before shutting the door and opening the cupboard. Inside she found what she could only describe as a "shit cupboard", full of odds and ends. Just looking in, she could see a clowns wig, some old boxes, a razor or two, a hairbrush and a discarded envelope tucked down the side.

She reached out to pick it up, the phrase "curiosity killed the cat" coming to mind. However, she shrugged it off.

"Good job I'm not a cat." She smiled as she took the crumpled envelope and opened it slightly. Inside she found a year's membership for a gym, dated for this year.

"Joke present." She decided as she tucked it back inside the cupboard and took the hairbrush instead. Shutting one door to open another, the clinical lead left the room and went back to where she had slept that night to tidy the bed and collect together her things. She heard Charlie ascend the stairs again to get dressed. By the time he had finished, Connie had tidied the room and was sat downstairs, twiddling the hairbrush in her hands.

"Oh, you should've shouted if you were waiting for me!" He said as he appeared at the door, "I decided I'd take my time for a change, I thought most women took an age in the morning!"

"In case you hadn't noticed, I am not most women." She smiled, taking her bag and standing up. "Are we off?"

"Indeed we are. I'll just grab my work bag and keys whilst you get your coat and shoes on, two ticks."

He disappeared whilst Connie did as she was told, and when they were both ready, went out to the car.

Typical of that time of year, it was ear bitingly cold and the window screen had frozen overnight. With a groan, Charlie opened Connie's door.

"Pass the window scraper will you?" He asked, one hand on his back.

"Are you ok?" She asked, eyebrows furrowed slightly as she reached into the backseat.

"Just my back, I'll be fine. Everything creaks and aches at this age." He grinned as she finally clasped hold of it. Thinking a second, she looked up at him before unbuckling her seatbelt.

"You get in and get the heating on, I'll do that." She said, climbing out.

"Connie you don't have to-" He said but she wafted his words away with her hand.

"After everything it's the least I can do, honestly. Get in." She insisted but Charlie was having none of it.

"It's my car, let me-" he reached out for the scraper but Connie pulled it away before he could get it.

"I said, get in the car Mr Fairhead." She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms in that true Connie Beauchamp style. Charlie looked at her and rolled his eyes.

"In fear of losing my job, I think I'd better do as I'm told…" he said slowly, walking round and climbing in the driver's side. Once Connie heard the engine start, she gave satisfied smile before starting to clear the car.

10 minutes later and the car had defrosted. Hitting her hands together, the clinical lead rid herself of the frost and climbed in, throwing the scraper in the foot-well behind her.

"All done." She smiled.

"Thank you but seriously, I could have done it." Charlie put his foot down and sent the car into motion, rolling down the driveway.

"I've told you, after everything you've done recently it was no problem! Now be quiet and concentrate on your driving." She told him, going in her bag for her house keys ready for when they stop off.

Not long after, Charlie pulled into the posher part of the neighbourhood and parked the car outside number 25.

"I'll only be 5 minutes." Connie said as she got out and went up to her front door. She unlocked it and went inside, trying to ignore the sour smell of days old alcohol that had embedded itself in the walls. She dashed up to her room and went to her bedside table, collected her tablets and went back downstairs after giving herself a quick spray of perfume. In the kitchen she took the tablets, trying not to gip as they slithered down her throat.

Then she went back to the hallway, slipped on her heels and locked up before going back to Charlie who had put the radio on.

He checked his watch as she got in and put her seatbelt back on. "Wow, not even 5 minutes. I thought you said you weren't "most women"?"

She just laughed. "Come on, we don't want to be late."

The nurse revved up the engine before setting off in the direction of the hospital.

"And for your information, I am not most women." She said quietly. "I am only the prettier ones."

Charlie couldn't help but laugh as they sped down the motorway and towards the centre of Holby, "It's a beautiful day" blaring out on the radio.


	10. Fractured Trust

**Update!**

**I didn't receive any reviews on the last chapter- guessing you all weren't a fan? **

**Well anyway, this chapter is a little more interesting ;) And in the next one, Connie decides that she's had enough...**

**Any feedback would be wonderful! Hope you're all having a lovely week! -Sophie x**

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When they pulled into the carpark, Connie was relieved to see her Porsche there safe and sound. Charlie noticed her little smile and locked the car before joining her as they walked through the doors.

"I text Tess. She said a group of vandals tried to spray paint it but she fought them off." He grinned, passing reception.

"Oh naturally." Connie smiled, her eyes scanning the faces of those around her. Everyone seemed very subdued and she wasn't the only one to notice.

"What's the matter with everyone this morning?" Charlie muttered as they made their way into cubicles where most of the staff had sombre looks on their faces. Zoe was slumped at the computer desk, head resting on her hand and her eyes still, staring into space. Curious, the nurse went over to where his colleague sat.

"Morning." He said brightly. She looked up and smiled before arching her back and sitting up straighter.

"Hello, you're late this morning. Made in before you for once!"

"Yeah, um, late night. Anyway, why's everyone so quiet?"

She looked at him and sighed before pointing towards the small resus. Charlie followed her finger to find a familiar old woman glaring at everyone, her sinister face at that moment could have turned milk sour.

"Ah." He said before remembering Connie. He span round to see her door swing shut.

"Alright, um, I just need to see Connie then I'll get changed-" He mumbled, picking up his bag, but before he could go, Zoe stopped him.

"How is she?" She asked, her eyes looking straight into his.

"Who?" He replied, trying to play the innocent card. However, she saw straight through it.

"You're not an owl Charlie. I saw you drive away with her last night. Connie- she gave you a hug before getting in. How is she?" Zoe looked at him intently and he sighed before looking round.

"My office." He muttered, "Now."

She followed him through cubicles and to the office he shared with Tess, shutting the door behind them.

"Did you find out what was up?" She immediately asked and he motioned for her to sit down.

"Right. I'm going to tell you this because I think it will help her, ok? You're not to tell _anyone,_ you got that? I mean it Zoe, I'm being deadly serious."

Zoe grinned at him.

"God this is all a bit James Bond isn't it? It can't be that bad."

He raised his eyebrow and began to talk, recounting everything she had told him and everything that had happened that previous evening. As he talked, Zoe's grin slowly fell from her face, leaving her shocked and open mouthed.

"She killed _Grace_?!" She exclaimed and Charlie immediately shushed her, looking through the window.

"Yes. I'm going to make sure Connie's ok and I'm going to tell her that I've told you, ok? We'll take it from there." He pushed his chair back and stood, with Zoe following suit. Together they left his office and went back to cubicles where Charlie branched off to go to Connie's office.

"If I survive then I'll see you in a bit." He grinned slightly and Zoe patted his arm before going back to the nurse's station. She watched as Charlie knocked on the door and went in, praying he wouldn't get an earful for letting her know.

...

"You did _WHAT_?!" She had shouted loudly, her eyes wide yet piercing with disbelief and anger. "Charlie I _trusted _you!"

"I know I know-" He started, putting his hands up in surrender but she cut him off.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything, I _knew_ it!" She hissed, her nostrils flaring as she walked to and fro behind her desk, wringing her hands before suddenly stopping and spinning to face him, finger pointing directly at his chest. "You had _no_ right to tell her."

"Connie she's worried about you!" He exclaimed, "Despite your rivalry she does care you know, believe it or not. She only wants to help!"

"_I DON'T WANT HER HELP!_" She roared, making Charlie jump. "_ALL I WANT IS MY LIFE TO GO BACK TO HOW IT WAS, AND THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN IS IT? SO SHE CAN JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU ALL CAN. IT'S MY PRIVATE BUSINESS AND NO-ONE ELSE'S_." She finished, panting as she placed both hands on her desk and looked down, not able to meet Charlie's eye.

Her colleague was stunned into silence, then overcome with fury.

"You know, I didn't have to do what I did yesterday." He hissed, voice trembling. "I didn't have to calm you down, stay with you, make sure you were ok. I didn't have to let you stay at mine, or make sure you ate something so stop you from collapsing. I didn't have to wake you from your nightmare last night, or comfort you, or wash your designer bloody clothes. I did it out of the goodness of my heart because I _care_, Connie. I actually give a damn whether you're mentally stable or not, or if you're looking after yourself or not. So does Zoe, but if you carry on treating us like this?" His arms flew up in frustration, "Then you'll have no-one. It's your call."

With that final comment he went across the room and the door flew open. Before he left however, he looked back to where she had collapsed into her seat.

"Oh and by the way- Olive's still here. And don't expect me to save your job if you try kill her again because I won't be there." He said angrily before slamming the door and walking off.

Connie was left in a deathly silence, and she sat with her head in her hands, letting the heat of her angry tears spread across her face.

He had no right, no right at all to go spouting about her personal business. She told him in confidence and he betrayed her, the one person she thought she could trust. Now she had no-one, and she felt more alone than ever before.

Letting out a frustrated yell, she swiped her arm across the desk, letting her papers and files fall to the floor with a calm flutter. Ironic, considering the circumstances. From the door, someone cleared their throat. Connie's head shot up to see Lofty looking very alarmed.

"Bad time, I, I apologise, um, I'll call back later." He mumbled before turning as quick as he could to leave, hitting his head on the doorframe in the rush before shutting the door.

The clinical lead let her arms collapse onto the desk and placed her head on them as she started to sob quietly.

She was right, what she had said before Charlie left the spare room that night- tomorrow is just another day. Another crappy, lonely day without her baby girl.


	11. Never Give Up

**Another nice long one, seeing as it's Friday :D**

**Thankyou so much for your feedback, it encourages me to keep going when I start doubting myself xD**

**Danielle888- You hoped she'd talk to Zoe? In that case, you might like the next chapter ;)**

**Hope you all enjoy the update and Casualty tomorrow! Oh, and HAPPY FRIDAY! -Sophie x**

* * *

Seeing as Olive was only waiting for a bed on Keller, she only needed to be seen to once every hour. She had had her surgery that evening and was very grumpy due to the anaesthesia and discomfort. It was down to Connie to check her BP, heart rate and SATS on the hour, and she did so with as much courage as she could muster, working herself up to stepping through the doors by imagining finding her dead.

"Any other problems I should know about." Connie asked flatly, not managing to meet the woman's eye.

"No." She said shortly, crossing her arms tentatively over her stomach.

"Fine. I'll be back in an hour." The clinical lead sighed, turning and leaving the room, catching sight of Charlie talking to Robyn by the doors leading to reception. She turned away quickly and went back to cubicle 13, where she was treating an elderly man by the name of Keith Anderson.

"Hello again. Well I've got your x-ray results back. Your wrist is only sprained, rather than broken so we'll get you patched up and you'll be ready to go, ok?" His face turned from worried into joyous and he took her hand and kissed it, making her jump slightly.

"Thank you so much my dear, I'm so relieved it's not broken. I doubt my pool career would survive it!" His eyes glittered up at her before he started to cough, and she smiled before taking his notes and jotting something down.

"I'm only doing my job, Mr Anderson. Are you a smoker, that cough doesn't sound very good." She became concerned, noticing how his face reddened with every laboured breath.

"No, it- it's just come on, just now." He became worried again and Connie moved the bed so he was sat further upright.

"Let me just check your throat." She said quietly, removing the neck collar and placing it to one side. His neck has started to swell and Keith stopped coughing, suddenly desperate for breath.

"Keith? Keith keep breathing for me." Connie said clearly, unable to keep the worry from her voice. She looked up for a member of staff before spotting Cal stood at the nurse's station.

"Cal a little help please!" She called and he came dashing over, throwing his files onto one of the desks.

"This is Keith Anderson, 58, crashed into a building on the ice. Initially treated for a suspected broken wrist but now he can't breathe. Neck has swollen and BP's rising."

Cal felt at his throat as Connie placed an oxygen mask over his mouth.

"Are thinking the same as me? Subcutaneous emphysema?" She asked and he nodded before turning to shout.

"We need an urgent CT scan now!"

Immediately two nurses ran off, but it was too late. One of his machines started to bleep incessantly, and both their heads snapped up to the screen.

"He's in VF, we need to get him to resus now." Cal said firmly, kicking the brakes and moving the trolley. Connie just stood there, eyes glued to the screen, frozen.

"Mrs Beauchamp!" Cal called but she didn't hear him. He handed the trolley over to Zoe and Max who were passing and went back to where his clinical lead stood.

"Mrs Beauchamp?" He asked but again, there was no response. Her eyes were glazed over, deep in thought. Was she to blame for this? She hadn't noticed the swelling but he had a neck collar on. Plus he was purely being treated for his wrist. But in that case, did he need a neck collar on? Why was it put on in the first place? Oh, in case of injury to the head. But he said he was fine when he came in- why did she keep it on him? So it was her fault? She would have noticed if he wasn't wearing the collar.

"Connie." Cal said gently, touching her arm. The sudden contact and use of her first name startled her and quickly cleared her throat.

"Just thinking." She mumbled, "Let's go see what's happening."

She kept her eyes on the floor and hands close to her side as they passed the smaller resus and went through the doors and out into reception. Cal opened the door to the larger room and she entered, looking up.

Zoe, Rita and Ethan were all around his bed. Rita was injecting him with adrenaline, Ethan was on the phone to Serena Campbell on Keller who was going to treat him, and Zoe was preparing herself for an emergency tracheotomy to help him breathe again.

Just as the instruments were brought to her side however, another of his machines started to go off.

"The adrenaline isn't working, he's gone into cardiac arrest." Rita said loudly and Zoe removed her gloves.

"Right, try another lot, I'll start chest compressions then we'll shock him. Ethan can you sort that please." He nodded and put the phone down before grabbing the defibrillator.

Connie and Cal moved closer as Zoe stood on the small step and began CPR, and from the other side of the bed Rita injected him with another needle of adrenaline. After the first 30 compressions there was still no pulse.

"Still no cardiac output. Ethan?" Zoe said, worry evident in her voice. She moved aside as the registrar placed the pads on the old man's chest and pressed the button for it to charge.

"Charging." He called, "Stand back. Shocking!"

Keith's feeble body jerked on the bed. Connie jumped, her eyes pricking and body tensing before watching him lay still again, the persistent beeping noise informing her that he still had no pulse.

Zoe and Ethan did another three rounds of compressions and shocks before standing back, looking at one another.

"Are we all agreed?" Zoe asked, watching as Ethan, Rita and Cal nodded their heads.

"No." Connie interrupted, "You can't just give up on him like that!"

"We've done 4 rounds of CPR and shocks, as well as 2 lots of adrenaline. He's not responding. What else is there to do?" The consultant looked at her but she shook her head.

"You'll try again and again until his pulse returns, that's what you'll do." She insisted, her jaw clenching and her hands becoming fists at her sides. Rita and Ethan exchanged glances before looking over to Zoe. She sighed.

"Connie he's not coming back. He's been in VF for 19 minutes now."

"So? Try again!" Her voice became louder but Zoe stood her ground.

"No, he's gone. You'll get over it in a day or so but there's nothing we can do." Zoe's voice became gentle but it had no effect on her.

"Well if you won't carry on then I will." She hissed, and before anyone could stop her she was by his side, on the step, hands over his heart.

"Mrs Beauchamp-" Ethan tried to input but she waved him away, compressing Keith Anderson's chest like her life depended on it. After thirty she turned and held her hand out for the defibrillator, her face red and her hair coming out of its neat bun.

"Come on!" She snapped but nobody moved. Cal and Ethan both looked very wary, Rita stood with her arms crossed next to them and Zoe raised her eyebrows as Connie looked down at her.

"Don't give me that look, all I'm trying to do is save this man's life. Is that too much to ask?" Her voice faltered slightly and her eyes pricked again, anger becoming exhausted frustration, only this time it didn't go unnoticed. Her colleague moved forward slightly and placed a gentle hand on her arm, pulling it away from above the man's chest.

Connie looked down at where her skin touched hers and jerked away from it.

"Don't touch me." She hissed before coming down from the step and walking quickly past her audience, a hand over her mouth.

"Connie!" Zoe called after her but it was too late- when she got to the swinging door that led to reception, the clinical lead was no-where to be seen.

...

She ran back to her office, snatching up her bag and coat before storming out, keeping her head down in case her colleagues noticed the tears that were beginning to fall. Without stopping, Connie walked through cubicles and reception before bursting through the front doors and out into the car park, fumbling in her bag for her car keys. Her hands shook so much that she ended up dropping the contents of her handbag on the floor, watching the items scatter around her. She picked up as much as she could quickly before walking back off again in fear of being seen. With a press of a button, the vehicle clicked open and she climbed in, throwing her handbag into the foot well of the passenger's seat before slamming her door shut.

Then, after wiping her eyes on her sleeve, she started up the engine and drove out of the grounds- she'd had enough for one day.


	12. Wine, Worries and Woes

**Update!**

**Another long one :D This is for those who wanted Zoe to get involved- your wish is my command ;) It gets quite emotional this one, but it's nothing compared to a certain chapter coming up soon!**

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and as always, your reviews are welcomed with open arms! -Sophie x**

**P.S- Three words- LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE :OOOOOOO**

* * *

Once she arrived home, Connie unlocked her door and went inside, dumping her keys on the table in the hallway and kicking her shoes under the coat rack before heading straight through to the kitchen.

She pulled open the cupboard beneath the sink and brought out a full bottle of red wine. She then unscrewed the cap and poured herself a large glass before downing it in one and immediately pouring another. Feeling the effects almost instantly, she picked up the bottle and went into the living room, placing it shakily on her coffee table before collapsing onto the sofa. She pulled the remaining hair from her bun and let it flow free around her shoulders, providing a curtain for her to hide behind.

Connie snatched up the remote and flicked the TV screen on before waiting for it to load up. She took another large gulp of the red, burning liquid as the screen came to life.

There, in front of her, was Grace, filmed on her bike just a few months ago. Her smiling little face shone at the camera and she giggled as she rode off down the street. Connie's breath caught in her throat, her eyes watering once more as she reached a hand out towards her television, before drawing it back when her fingertips touched cold glass.

She was there, her baby girl was there, but she couldn't touch her. Acting the veil of death, the TV screen prevented the woman from true happiness, for her life to be restored to normality once more, with its cruel separation of one world from another.

The tears began to fall like glistening raindrops on a winter's day, falling until they splashed on the dark fabric of her trousers. Starting to sob, the mourning mother finished off her glass and poured another, watching the screen as it changed to various pictures she had taken. Charlie was right, she had taken a fair few selfies since the craze started, but most of them were of both her and Grace together rather than just herself, two identical happy faces without a care in the world.

Connie sat there for two whole hours, just drinking, mourning, watching. The only time she moved was to get another bottle of wine and another box of tissues to soak up the misery she had been containing that day, but besides that, she sat still, chest shaking with every sob, cry and howl.

Through the window she noticed the street becoming darker. There was an influx of cars passing by and she figured it was about 5 o'clock- home time for those still at work. As the streetlights flickered on, she knew they'd have it in for her at work the next day, leaving them in the lurch like that. Especially Guy Self- he was irritated with her already for taking a whole two months leave in one go.

She sighed, and was just about to get up to get another bottle of alcohol when her doorbell rang. She'd almost forgotten what it sounded like, it had been so long since she'd had anyone come to her house. Not wanting anyone to see her in that state, she got up and swayed over to her window, clutching the wall for balance as she closed the blinds. As she yanked the curtains shut, a dark shadow appeared on the other side of the glass, and she froze until it left. Then her doorbell went off again, and again… and again.

It continued to ring until Connie groaned and made her way to the front door, legs in grave danger of collapsing beneath her due to how badly they were shaking from the tears. Her trembling hand fumbled for the keys and after a few attempts of getting the key in the lock, she heard it click quietly. Opening the door as far as it would go on the chain, she peered out.

"Connie it's me, let me in please." Came a stern female voice. Once her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she realised it was Zoe, stood with her arms crossed.

"Go away." She spat before shutting the door again. However, Zoe stuck the toe of one of her heeled feet into the crack, and placed a hand on the edge of the wood.

"You can't hide away forever." The consultant stated, one eyebrow raised. "Let me in."

"Don't tell me what to do." Connie muttered, glaring at her before pushing against the door. Zoe just raised her other eyebrow.

"I take it you don't want your phone then?" She asked and the clinical lead stopped.

"I have my phone."

"Do you?" Zoe cocked her head in mock questioning. Connie paused before reaching for her handbag that was hung on the coat rack. She went through it to no avail before tipping the contents onto the table.

Her phone wasn't there. It must have been under the pile of tissues I left in the car park, she thought and instantly cursed herself.

"Told you." The woman on the other side of the door said smugly. Connie imitated her before sighing and taking the catch off of the door. She let it fall open and went back into the living room, returning to her original spot. Zoe let herself in and locked the door before removing her shoes, tutting as she noticed the one she'd stuck in the door was now scuffed. Then she passed through to the living room, coughing as she entered and her eyes widening in surprise as she noticed the empty wine bottles.

"Good god, how much have you had to _drink_?" She exclaimed, picking her way through sodden tissues that had fallen from her bosses lap when she stood, before perching on the edge of the sofa next to her.

"Not that much." She mumbled, resting her head on her hand before pressing play on the remote. Zoe looked up to see pictures of her and Grace flash up on the screen, and she sighed before gently taking the remote from her grasp.

"You know, this won't help in the slightest." She said quietly.

"It's the only way I can see her again." Connie whispered, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "To see her move and to play like she should be doing. Like any other child."

They sat silently before Zoe turned off the television and placed the remote beside her.

"Charlie told me everything."

Connie looked up at her before scowling.

"He had no right."

"He thought it was for the best-"

"Well it wasn't, ok?" She snapped, crossing her legs and looking the opposite way. As she looked her up and down, Zoe noticed little things she hadn't before. The way she wiggled her foot constantly, the way she bit and gnawed at her nails like it was the only thing keeping her mind from those thoughts- thoughts of death, and anguish and despair and horror. These were the chinks in her armour, the cracks in the icy exterior she had spent so many years building up. Zoe looked at her sadly and placed a tentative hand on her arm, noting how she immediately tensed when she felt the touch of her warm hand.

"You're hurting." She said quietly, watching her eyes slowly close. "You're hurting and you think that's a sign of weakness. Keeping it to yourself won't benefit you, it'll only make it even more unbearable. Talk to me Connie." Zoe whispered, removing her hand and sitting back. Her boss opened her eyes and turned to her, only to show nothing but sadness and vulnerability.

"I wake up, and I'm alone. I go to work, and I'm alone. I come home, and I'm alone." She stopped, biting her bottom lip and looking up at the ceiling, desperate not to cry in front of her colleague. Zoe handed her a fresh tissue and she took it quickly, dabbing underneath her eyes.

"It's ok." She whispered, and Connie went on.

"I just feel empty, like there's nothing else that could make my world whole again apart from finding my baby." Her voice cracked and became but a whisper as she looked into Zoe's eyes.

"You have no idea what it's like. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do active work in fear of making a mistake, or the patient losing their life." She sniffed, before smiling slightly. "Keith Anderson earlier, it's funny- I only knew him for an hour but he was a lovely man, very charming and full of stories. All he was worried about was his pool playing. He said nothing else mattered, he had no family or friends- it was the only thing he had left that he loved. And now he has nothing, and I can't help but feel like it's my fault."

She stopped and looked away again as she wiped her eyes, looking down at the floor where a pile of scrunched up tissues were accumulating. Beside her, Zoe was almost in tears herself. Like Charlie, she had no idea that Connie was capable of these emotions- she sometimes forgot the woman was actually human. Hearing her talk like that, it opened her eyes as to who Connie Beauchamp really was. She wasn't a robot, or a name to be feared like most people thought. She was a human just like everyone else, with her own troubles and emotions to be dealing with.

Zoe surveyed the state of the room and decided something needed to be done to take her mind off of things.

"Right." She said firmly, standing up. Connie watched her as she put her hands on her hips and stood on her tiptoes.

"You go upstairs for a shower- might help you feel a bit better as well as sober up a bit. I'm going to clean up in here, it looks like the Kleenex factory had some kind of horrific accident."

The woman still on the sofa raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking up at her.

"Trying to be you. You seem to have a knack of getting people to do exactly what you want. Thought I'd try it."

Connie sighed before standing up slowly, clutching the side of the sofa. She rolled her eyes.

"There is only one Connie Beauchamp." She said and walked past her colleague slowly before turning her head.

"And never try that again." She muttered before making her way up the stairs, yanking herself up with one hand on the banister, the other clutching her head which was gently beginning to pound.


	13. Death, Despair and Deep Pan Pizza

**Little update for you!**

**Just a small one- things get interesting in the next chapter so keep an eye out ;)**

**Any reviews would be lovely and I hope you enjoy this chapter! -Sophie x**

* * *

An hour later and the women were both sat at Connie's kitchen table. The living room was spotless thanks to Zoe, and Connie was now clean and slightly more sober. They sat together, munching on a takeaway meat feast pizza. Well, Zoe was, Connie was more picking at it.

"You know, all hell broke loose after you went." Zoe said, dipping her crust in the barbeque sauce. "We had a load of catwalk models in after a light fitting blew up during their show. I took charge but it was still mayhem. Cal was in his element of course, and I found Ethan and Lofty hiding in the store room after two of the girls tried to pounce on them." She grinned, picking up another slice of pizza. "Sort of funny, apart from the fact that Lily and Robyn became very icy after that. I think they have a thing for them."

"Mmm." Connie murmured, not really listening as she picked at her pizza distractedly. Zoe sighed.

"Have just that slice." She said, voice half pleading with her. "You need to start eating more or you're going to end up collapsing all over the place."

The clinical lead laughed shortly. "That's exactly what Charlie told me."

"-And he had a point." Zoe followed on, raising her eyebrows and getting a sip of water. "He was only trying to keep an eye out for you, you know that. Can't you just apologise?"

"I'll apologise for shouting but not what I was shouting about." She murmured, "I asked him not to tell anyone then he went and told you."

"And what would have happened if you didn't? You could have overdosed on alcohol or even worse. Really it was a blessing, don't you think?"

"Not really no." She said shortly before looking down at her plate wearily. "But I suppose it wasn't _that _bad that he told you. Also do I have to eat _all_ of this?" She motioned to the pizza that was now stone cold.

"What else have you had to eat today?" Zoe asked, wiping her mouth on a piece of kitchen roll and taking her glass in her hand.

"A bowl of porridge,"

"A full bowl?" Zoe cut in, and Connie glared at her.

"_Half_ a bowl of porridge, then at lunch I had a packet of crisps." After a raised eyebrow from the woman opposite her, she sighed.

"Fine. About three crisps."

Zoe looked at her, the sadness evident in her eyes. "Just that one slice. You're a doctor, you know this isn't healthy."

"You try eat when all you can think about is death." She muttered, raising the pizza to her lips.

…

Once they had finished eating, Zoe stuck the box in the bin and picked up her bag and coat which were hanging up on the staircase.

"I'm going to get off, leave you in peace." She smiled, turning the key in the door so it opened. "Ring me if you need anything."

Connie rolled her eyes. "I'm mourning, not an invalid."

"Whatever you say Queen B." She sighed, letting herself out. "Get locked up and don't even _think _of touching that alcohol again."

"Yes mother." Connie muttered sarcastically, watching as Zoe trotted down her drive and got into her car. The clinical lead raised her hand as she drove off before going back inside.

It was only 7pm, way too early for bed so she decided to curl up on the sofa and watch one of the film on Sky. She came across "Frozen", one of Grace's beloved Disney's. She smiled slightly as she pressed the select button and sat back, comfy, warm and clean. Her eyes drooped and drooped until they finally closed, yearning for rest to get rid of the alcohol effects. By the time "Do you wanna build a snowman?" began to play, Connie was fast asleep.


	14. Sparked Hope Encased In A Heart

**Updateeeee!**

**This is like the beginning of the end really- I'm still writing it but not for much longer I don't think- it wasn't meant to be this long anyway!**

**I hope you all enjoy and I'd love it if you reviewed with your thoughts! -Sophie x**

**(PS- Only just realised- 101 reviews on just 13 chapters! You guys are the best- thank you so much! I'm so glad you all like it :D )**

* * *

Connie awoke the next morning stiff and uncomfortable. Stretching her legs out, she leant over to the coffee table and checked the time- 10:47am. She leapt up, working through the dizziness and nausea that totalled her hangover from last night.

"Bloody typical." She hissed, trying to pull a brush through her hair. "When I don't need to be at work I can't sleep to save my life. When I need to be at work, I sleep in. Sod's bloody law."

In 10 minutes she managed to get changed, get a lightning speed wash, do her teeth, tame her unruly curls and get in the car before setting off to work.

As she pulled into the car park, the woman sprayed herself head to foot with deodorant then popped a chewing gum in her mouth. Once she decided she no longer smelt of alcohol, Connie stepped out of the car and strode into the ED, determined to make it through this working day without dissolving into tears.

She walked past reception, and Louise just scowled and turned to Noel.

"She strides around here like she owns the place." The receptionist muttered before he shushed her quickly.

"Do you want to lose your job?!" He asked incredulously once she was safely out of earshot. Louise just glared at the swinging door the woman had just walked through.

"If she gets any worse then I might start looking for another position elsewhere."

…

Connie went straight to her office as per usual and went inside, hanging her coat up on the inside of the door. After placing her stethoscope around her neck, she took a deep breath and went out into cubicles, ready for her shift to begin.

At the nurse's station, Tess was filling out the discharge papers for one of her patients, trying not to yawn as she did so. Connie went over to her and smiled slightly.

"Morning Miss Bateman. Shouldn't you be getting home?"

"Just need to fill out these papers for Mrs Morris in cubicle 6. I'm the only member of staff she'll talk to." Tess sighed, signing her name at the bottom and tidying them.

"Ok. Did Olive Russell get off to Keller, do you know?" She asked, looking back towards the smaller resus. Tess furrowed her eyebrows.

"Did you not know?"

"Know what?"

"She died during the night." Connie's mouth immediately opened.

"Died?!" She exclaimed. "How?!"

"On the way up to the ward, she grabbed a scalpel from one of the trolleys she passed. Stabbed herself in the neck and we couldn't save her."

The clinical lead stood silent, eyes wide. She was gone. Olive was gone and now she'd never get what she wanted, what she _needed_ – to know where Grace was, and to lay her baby girl to rest. She bit the inside of her cheek and nodded.

"Right. Who was with her, when she died?"

"If I remember rightly, Cal and Ethan. I think they took over when you, Charlie and Rita left."

"Thanks. You get yourself off, see you later." She mumbled, heading off towards the staffroom. She opened the door quickly to find Cal on his phone and Ethan pulling on his jacket, and she sighed with relief.

"Ah, you two. My office please, now."

They looked at each other before standing and following their boss back to her office. She sat down behind her desk and motioned for them to sit.

"Now, I imagine you know what this is about." She asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning back, crossing her legs and clasping her hands together. Ethan immediately started to talk.

"Mrs Beauchamp we're really sorry, but she was so quick, there was nothing we could do-" Connie put her hand up for silence and he stopped, turning slightly red and looking down.

"Dr Knight, any say on the matter?" She said, voice expressionless. Cal was sat back in his chair and had been watching her whilst Ethan spoke. He shook his head.

"Right. Well, there will be an investigation of course, and I imagine we'll have the news round soon as well. Did she have any last requests, last words or anything?"

Connie looked from brother to brother until Ethan spoke.

"She said something about a pantry?"

Connie's head snapped up and her fingers began to tremble.

"In what context?" She asked, her body filling with a small sense of hope.

"Something about liking it? I don't know, her lungs filled with blood so she couldn't breathe or talk properly."

The woman's foot began to bounce up and down gently and she looked down, suddenly going quiet before biting her lip.

"Right that will be all. Go home." She murmured, starting to bite one of her nails as the two registrars stood. Ethan left immediately, stopping at the door when he noticed Cal wasn't beside him. He turned to see his brother standing behind his chair.

"Mrs Beauchamp?" He asked quietly, watching as she nibbled daintily on her nail, red polish now chipped and uneven.

"Mrs Beauchamp?" He repeated and Ethan began to get uncomfortable.

"Cal come on." He urged but he took no notice.

"Connie?" After hearing her name, the clinical lead was snapped from her thoughts. She sat up and began to tidy her desk.

"Why are you still here?" She asked, raising an eyebrow like nothing had happened. He hesitated before sighing.

"I was just wondering whether… everything was alright?"

Connie looked up at him in surprise. "Everything is fine Dr Knight, not that it's any of your business. Now go, I have an important phone call to make." She leant over and picked up the phone as if to prove a point, and Cal raised his hands.

"I'm going, I'm going. See you."

"Bye."

As he passed Ethan and the door shut behind them, Cal looked to his brother who was just getting his phone from his coat pocket.

"Did you hear that?" He asked and his brother looked up.

"Hear what?"

"I called her Connie, and she didn't give me a mouthful." Cal looked back to the office door before it vanished from view. "I did it earlier too."

"She might have a lot on. She is clinical lead remember." He grinned. "Now we need to stop off at Tesco on the way home, we're out of coffee and tomato sauce _again_." He emphasized the last word and Cal rolled his eyes.

"I was going to pick some up this morning but-"

"-but you slept in. You are useless sometimes."

"I know but you wouldn't be without me." Cal grinned, draping an arm over Ethan's shoulders and feeling him squirm beneath him as they left the building together.

…

Connie sat in her office, thinking over what Ethan had told her.

"Pantry?" She murmured, twiddling a pen around her fingers as she thought. Her house had been the first place they looked after finding out about the children. They checked the floors and walls for any sign of them, but there was nothing to be seen in her pantry except some old pear drops, gummy bears and a few bags of dog biscuits.

Suddenly something clicked in her mind. Something Olive had said to her when she was being treated.

_"…__She was a lovely one. Always had a smile on her face, especially when I let her stroke Otis, my dog. I always kept some treats for her and her friend…"_

Connie's eyes widened as more of the conversation came back to her.

_"…__they used to come in and sit with him, sometimes for hours. Grace always wanted to stay for longer…"_

_"__I never wanted her to leave…"_

_"__Hello sweetie..."_

The pantry, Connie decided, standing up quickly. She had be somewhere in the pantry.


	15. Nearly Time

**Hello! **

**Here's the next chapter- hope you all enjoy and please review if you can! The next update will be the one you've all been waiting for, and the one I actually cried when I wrote it... -Sophie x**

**(P.S- The sequel to "The ED go down under!" will be up in a week or so- when I have a vague idea of what I'm gonna do for it xD)**

**(P.P.S- Happy International Women's Day :D )**

* * *

Connie grabbed her coat and handbag before rushing out of her door… and straight into Charlie.

"Ah." He said, looking her up and down, "I was just coming to see you."

"Now is really not the time Charlie." She said urgently, trying to move past him but he blocked her way.

"Tough. We need to talk Connie and you know it."

"Charlie I need to go to the police station." She insisted and he paused, frowning.

"Why?"

"Olive, she died last night-"

"-and the police were informed." Charlie cut in.

"Let me finish!" She snapped, making her way towards the entrance.

"I'm all ears." He mumbled, struggling to keep up with her. For a woman in 5 inch heels, she couldn't half move.

"Well when she was taking her last breaths, Ethan said that she mentioned her pantry, something about liking it. After everything she said to me she has to be there, Grace has to be. I need to tell the police so I can go look."

She finished as she went through the doors and out into the frosty car park. Zoe and Max were stood smoking round the corner, and looked up when they heard raised voices.

"You can't just leave again! Not by yourself, Zoe told me what happened yesterday."

"Good god, you two are like peas in a bloody pod aren't you? Telling on me all the time." She muttered, opening her sleek black car and throwing her bag in. Zoe said her goodbyes to Max and followed them, stubbing her cigarette out before she reached them.

"Connie? Where are you going?" She asked, looking at them both.

"I'm sure Mr Fairhead here will tell you." Connie grumbled, "Charlie I need to get going, kindly move so I can shut my car door?"

He looked down at her and sighed.

"I'm not going to let you go by yourself. Zoe can you find cover?" He asked and she opened her mouth.

"I organised everyone yesterday!" She said indignantly. "Let me go instead."

The nurse hesitated before glancing down at Connie.

"Who would you rather have?" He asked, pretty sure of the answer. She tapped her steering wheel impatiently and gritted her teeth.

"Well I'd rather have neither of you but if it speeds things up then I couldn't care less. You can both come if it will make you _move_ _out of my bloody way_." She hissed and glared at them both. Charlie looked back to the entrance to the hospital to see Rita stood with her hands in her pockets, watching them.

"Rita!" he yelled, and waited until she ran closer. "Organise cover for me, Zo and Connie for a few hours. Get Dylan back in!"

"Why?" She yelled back and he shook his head. "No time, got to go. Thanks!"

Before getting in the car however, he looked at Connie and raised his eyes.

"Do you think it's a good idea, you driving?" He asked and she looked straight ahead before huffing and climbing out.

"Fine, but if you scratch it I _will_ fire you." She hissed, going round the front of the car and climbing in the passenger's side. They all got strapped in and set off, turning out of the car park.

…

They sat in silence, all along the motorway to Holby's city centre. Zoe sat behind Charlie, watching Connie as she took a deep breath and spoke.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, looking out of the window.

Charlie smiled slightly.

"Is that the best I'm going to get?" He asked, and she sighed like a child, clutching the side of the door suddenly as Charlie swerved round the corner.

"Jesus, are you trying to kill us?" She exclaimed before settling down again and collecting herself together. "What I meant was, um, sorry for screaming at you. And flying off the handle... And trying to stab you with a scalpel."

Her cheeks were tinted with pink and Charlie laughed, placing a quick hand on her knee before putting it back on the steering wheel.

"Don't worry about it. It's hard to stay mad at someone who has the power to fire you."

They continued to sit in silence until they reached the police station. Connie and Zoe jumped out whilst Charlie parked, and went straight up to the front desk.

"I need to speak to DC Jane Mulgrew please, right now." Connie said, crossing her arms as the receptionist looked up from her writing.

"I'll call her for you." She smiled slightly and picked up the phone.

"Hi, DC Mulgrew? It's Tanya on reception. There's a woman here to see you," She looked at Connie before whispering "What's your name, sorry?"

"Connie Beauchamp, tell her it's in connection with the search for my daughter. I have urgent news." She whispered back, and Tanya repeated this down the pone before pausing.

"Right, right… Ok, I'll tell her to wait here. Ok thanks. Bye." She put the phone down and smiled up at Connie.

"She'll be with you in a second. If you'd like to wait over there-" She waved towards the seats where a middle aged man was sat on a laptop. Connie nodded and they went to sit down, just as Charlie appeared through the electric doors.

"We're parked around the corner." He said, sitting next to Connie and retrieving the phone from his pocket. He had 2 missed calls and 3 texts, all from Dylan.

"Uh oh." He muttered before opening his phone wearily and reading the texts.

_"__Why do I have to come in? Drag Ash back or something. –Dylan."_

_"__Where are you anyway? Where's Zoe and Connie? Why is it so busy all of a sudden? –Dylan."_

_"__I hate you three. –Dylan."_

"He's such a drama queen." Connie muttered, looking down at his phone.

"Didn't anyone teach you it was rude to read other people's messages?" Charlie sighed as he closed his messages down.

"Yes. Doesn't stop me from doing it though." Zoe stifled a laugh as Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Connie?" A woman's voice called her name and she looked up before smiling in relief.

"Jane! We need to back to Olive Russell's house, her pantry, I know it-"

Jane shushed her and motioned for her to come back to her office. Charlie and Zoe promised to stay where they were, and Connie followed the woman through to her office.

…

"I agree it's a possibility, but the question is- why would she be so cryptic?" DC Mulgrew asked and Connie hit her hand on the table in frustration.

"Because she was sick and wanted me to suffer, I thought that was bloody obvious!" She exclaimed and Jane sighed.

"Right. We'll go have another look, I'll get James and Luke to come with us, they were on a few of the searches, remember? Just in case. Will the two sat in reception be joining us?"

"Yes. They're my work colleagues, Charlie and Zoe. They've been… keeping an eye on me for a few days." She said hesitantly and Jane smiled before standing up.

"Always nice to have someone there, isn't it? Come on, let's go. Are you ok to drive yourselves?"

Connie nodded and followed her back to where Charlie and Zoe were talking. They looked up when they approached.

"We're going to go to the house, I'm bringing two of my officers with me. Are you alright to trail behind?"

"That's fine." Charlie said and they went back to the car whilst Jane briefed her officers. Then, once Charlie had rolled them round to the front of the building, they watched the police officers get into their car and drive off, the three medical professionals close behind.


	16. To Lose A Child

**I'm not going to lie to you guys, this chapter is emotional- there were tears when I wrote it, and I nearly cried when I edited it too. **

**For those of you that wanted an alternate ending- sorry, it was already written when I got the first suggestion, so I do apologise!**

**In any case, I hope you enjoy the update, and I'd love to hear your thoughts, especially with this chapter being "the main one", so to say :D -Sophie x**

* * *

It took 20 minutes to reach Connie and Olive's street. They drove past her house and down the end of the road, where a lone house stood at the end.

It looked eerie from the outside- the white paint had been damaged and battered by the weather, and there were netted curtains in the windows to stop anyone looking in. The paint on her door was peeling away, and the grass in the front garden was patchy and discoloured, most likely due to her dog using it as a toilet.

Since the police found out about the murders, her house had been cordoned off with police tape, and an officer was there at all times. The three medical professionals got out of the car, Connie last, and made their way to where Jane was talking to the officer on guard at the door. As soon as she laid eyes on the house, the clinical lead's heart began to race in both fear and apprehension. Would they find anything? Will this nightmare soon be over?

"Come on." Charlie said quietly, going back to walk with her. She looked up and smiled slightly, a nail immediately going to her lips. Her colleague didn't bother to mention it- she needed all the comfort she could get.

They walked into the house together, looking round as they did so. It reeked of dog, old people and something sickly sweet that no-one could identify. As the aroma swept over her, Connie stopped and closed her eyes, taking some deep breaths through her mouth. Charlie stopped a few steps ahead, and waited until she was fine again before carrying on into the kitchen.

It was very small and very basic- a table with two chairs, a sink, oven and hob, microwave, two cupboards and a bin. The window looked out into her back garden and over onto the fields that seemed to roll forever over the horizon. There were some sheep and cows grazing on a nearby farm, and Connie gazed over to the little barn house where a couple of horses were stood side by side.

It was a beautiful view, especially at sunset or sunrise. Just a shame it was wasted on such a cruel human being.

The clinical lead moved away and towards the large door where Zoe, Charlie, Jane and Luke were stood, trying to unlock it. They couldn't find the correct key, so Luke took the stand used for the kitchen roll and hit the lock until it broke away from the wood. He then opened it and moved back for Jane to inspect.

Connie's fear turned to nerves as she peered inside over Zoe's shoulder. The consultant quickly moved when she realised, and Connie joined the DC in the small room.

"We checked the walls and floor when we were here last." Jane said, hitting parts of the wall with the palm of her hand. Connie shook her head and looked around, eyes intent, searching, inspecting every tiny part of the room for a mistake or clue as to where her daughter was. There had to be something, somewhere…

Each square inch of the pantry was searched with the pair of eager eyes. They came across many spiders webs nestled between the shelves, and a dead woodlouse or too, but nothing to indicate any signs of concealment… Until…

There.

There, she saw it. The wallpaper was peeling slightly above the doorframe. The paper looked wrinkled as if it had been disturbed since it was put up and Connie's mind went into overdrive, heart racing.

"Jane. The wallpaper." She said quietly, pointing up above the door. Jane looked up and her eyebrows immediately furrowed.

"How did we miss that the first time?" She muttered before looking out into the kitchen. "Luke, can you and James find some ladders please, pronto."

The officer nodded and went out to tell his colleague. Connie went back into the kitchen and looked around, still gnawing on her nail. She was close, _so_ close, but would it be her behind that paper?

"Why don't you sit down whilst they fetch the ladder, hm?" Came a soft voice beside her. Zoe pulled a chair out from under the table and motioned for her to sit. She collapsed onto the chair and leant her arm on the table, watching the hallway intently. Olive didn't seem the sort of person to keep ladders anywhere but then again, on the outside she didn't look like a child murderer either.

She found herself moving to look at the ceiling. There was a space between this roof and the upstairs floor. A space, possibly, just big enough for a little girl…

The two men came back 5 minutes later, using ladders borrowed from neighbours. They set it to the right height in the little side room and stood back so Jane could take a look.

She ascended the metal ladder and gently peeled back the wallpaper, until something wooden came into sight. She ripped the rest away and leaned back slightly, to see it was actually a small, wooden planked door. Already half knowing what she was going to find, the detective constable yanked the door open, and shone a weary flashlight inside.

Her suspicions were correct- there was a small body curled up at the back of the space. She descended the ladder and just nodded at the police officers, who then went straight outside to inform the officer on duty. Jane went into the kitchen and Connie stood up, clenching and unclenching her hands with unease.

"So? What did you find? Is she there?" Her eyes searched for any kind of clue until Jane hesitated, before nodding slowly, glancing over at Charlie and Zoe.

"There's a body." She said quietly, watching as Connie's mouth opened and her eyes began to fill with tears. Her legs started to tremble and Charlie quickly darted forward with her chair before they gave way beneath her.

"So… It's over?" She said, her voice barely above a whisper. "This… unknown terror that's gripped my life for the past 2 months… is over?"

Jane hesitated. "You'll have to identify her but if it is Grace then yes, it's over."

She let out a loud sob, and covered her mouth with her hand. Even though they might have found her, that she might finally be able to say her goodbyes, there was still a small part of her that shattered at Jane's words. A small part that hoped that she was still alive, still breathing somewhere- anywhere.

Luke went up the ladder again, and with help from James, brought down the body. Zoe looked down at Connie quickly and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Are you sure you want to do this now?" She whispered, and Connie nodded determinedly, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve. She took a deep, shaky breath as the police officer entered the kitchen with the body. Connie stood, one hand on the wall, and looked at the small figure in his arms, before completely breaking down.

"Grace, no!" She sobbed, an arm reaching out and cupping her face which was deathly pale.

"She's so cold." Connie whispered, stroking a thumb across her pearly white skin as her tears fell to the floor. Beside her, Zoe bit her lip to stop her from crying too, and Charlie gently pulled her closer to him, evidently emotional too.

"She's going to be taken for a post mortem then you can have her for the funeral." Luke said quietly as a police van pulled up outside the house, and two officers came in rolling a trolley carrying a large black bag. Connie looked at it and her breathing increased before letting her hand fall from Grace's face.

"No. No my daughter is _not_ going in there." She said quietly, her entire figure trembling. Zoe moved away from Charlie before resting a hand on her shoulder.

"It won't be for long. Now why don't we get you home? You'll be better off there." Zoe said, voice soothing. However Connie completely blanked her and shook her away, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

"No, she's claustrophobic, she won't like it, please don't!" She sobbed, words becoming mixed with howls as Luke looked at the two new men, only to see them shake their heads as he placed her onto the black bag.

"No!" Connie screamed, voice shredding the air around her into thousands of tiny fragments as she struggled to breathe. Charlie placed a firm arm around her and led his boss through the hallway and out into the garden.

"No I need to stay with her, she needs me, she needs her mum! Please Charlie no…" She begged, eyes pleading as she pulled against him to get back into the house.

"She needs to go but you'll see her soon, I promise." He said soothingly, prompting her to move forwards a few steps before looking back again at the sound of heels. Zoe came out, shielding her eyes against the winter sun as she made her way to Charlie and Connie. She stood on the other side of her boss, hands on her handbag.

"I was just telling them where we're going. They said she's going to be a priority for the post mortem and she can come home tomorrow afternoon." Zoe said quietly. Charlie squeezed her shoulder gently.

"You hear that? She's going to be back with you sooner than you thought. Let's go Connie, leave them to do their job."

She hesitated, looking through the hallway as they zipped up the black bag, her heart clenching as she heard the harsh sound from where she stood. Slowly, she nodded, letting herself be guided by Charlie out of the gate and onto the street, her feet dragging more and more with every unwanted step she made away from her daughter.


	17. Panicked Realisations

**Hello lovely people!**

**I told you the last update would be emotional didn't I xD This one isn't as bad, you'll be happy to know, but it's not exactly full of cheer either.**

**Anyway, I have to bag-pack at my local supermarket this morning to raise money for my brother's football club, so any reviews would be lovely, to keep me from going insane! -Sophie x**

* * *

Zoe brought through a cup of tea once they reached Connie's house, and placed it on the coffee table in front of her boss before sitting down in the chair next to the television. The three sat in silence, looking anywhere but each other as time ticked slowly by- each second like a minute, each minute like an hour.

"At least we found her." Zoe said, her optimism going down like a lead balloon however when Connie just turned away and began to sob silently again into a tissue. Charlie just gently shook his head and placed a hand on her arm, rubbing her skin with his thumb in soothing circles.

"That's a good thing. At least you won't be worrying all the time now." She tried again, and this time Connie looked up, her eyes stained red by her tears.

"Yes we did find her, but we found her dead. Dead, cold and alone, Zoe. A part of me was still clinging on to the hope of finding her alive- alive and breathing, little eyes dancing when she was rescued, but no. She was alone and her eyes were firmly shut." She stopped, her eyes suddenly widening as she gasped for breath, a hand reaching out and clutching the arm of the sofa.

"She's gone…" Connie whispered, out of breath as she tried to steady her breathing. "Grace, she's gone…"

It was then that Charlie realised it had hit her that her daughter was dead, and what was happening as the grief gripped every part of her body. He knew the signs all too well.

"Connie." He said slowly, standing. "You're having a panic attack, ok? I need you just to lie down on the couch for me and try take some deep steady breaths."

"No, no… She can't be…" Her breaths became laboured and her face turned even paler than it had been before. Charlie gently moved her legs onto the sofa and placed a cushion behind her head as he knelt down in front of her.

"Slow, deep breaths for me Connie, concentrate on my voice. You can do this."

Lip trembling alongside the rest of her body, the clinical lead began to nibble on another nail, all the while taking deep steady breaths and focusing on Charlie's comforting voice.

Zoe sat and watched, feeling more and more guilty as the minutes passed. Her boss had just lost her daughter, the only family member she had left in the world, and she was sat there like an ornament. She watched the scene unfold- Connie's chest rising and falling as quick as an athlete's, Charlie's concern evident in his voice, though masked slightly by the words that encased it. Feeling she wasn't really wanted there, Zoe stood and went into the kitchen, leaning against the worktop and tilting her head back.

What a day.

…

She stayed in that exact position until Charlie came in 20 minutes later.

"She's calmer." He confirmed and Zoe smiled slightly.

"Good. Listen, Charlie, I think I'm going to get off- I'm not needed here. I don't even think I'm wanted."

His forehead immediately creased. "What makes you think that?"

"The way you are with her, the way she likes and trusts you. I just sat there like I was part of the arm=chair throughout that entire episode. It's obvious you care about her more. She doesn't need me."

Charlie just leant against the counter next to her and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, just remind me again- who was it that tried to comfort her in resus yesterday? Who was it that came round to ensure she was ok? Who was it that stopped her from overdosing on alcohol last night? Who was it that made sure she had something to eat, which gave her such a good night's sleep that she actually _slept in_ this morning? Who was that again?"

He gave her a stern look.

"Don't try tell me you don't care Zoe Hanna. And she's thankful for it. So get back in there with a drink and a biscuit, and just talk to her. I'm going to make us something for lunch." He surveyed the room wearily.

"That is, if I can find anything to make lunch _with_. Why does she have so many cupboards?"

Zoe shrugged before smiling, opening a biscuit tin beside the kettle and pulling out some shortbread. "Most of us women like having lots of food in the house. Especially if she can bake- this tastes home-made to me."

Charlie just rolled his eyes before wandering over to the fridge. "Just a little piece of information- Connie Beauchamp isn't "most women"."

Zoe grinned and poured herself a glass of water before looking at Charlie who had his head deep in the fridge.

"Let me guess- she's only the prettier ones."

"Ding ding ding, right in one!" He chuckled, pulling out a block of cheese. "Cheese sandwiches ok?"

Zoe nodded and picked up her water and shortbread.

"Great. Now, you two go talk- she could do with your company, I'm sure." He winked and she smiled before making her way down the hallway.

…

Zoe turned the corner into the living room. Connie was still laid on the sofa, with a hand under her head, face blank and eyes unseeing, staring into space. The consultant sat down and coughed slightly, before holding up the shortbread she was about to eat.

"Is this homemade?" She asked, and Connie looked up before nodding slightly.

"Grace's new school had a fair and they wanted donations. Whatever's in the tin are leftovers."

"They're really good!" Zoe grinned, mouth full of crumbs, and she swallowed before speaking again. "I didn't have you down as a baker."

Connie sighed. "Yeah, well, I bet you didn't have me down as a mourning mother either did you?"

"No." Zoe admitted, fiddling with her nails. She looked over to her boss then down to her feet, at a loss for what to say.

"Connie, I just want you to know that despite the fact we've not been the best of buds, I do still care. If you ever want to talk, or take some more time off work, I'd be happy to cover."

"Thank you but that won't be necessary." She smiled slightly, dabbing at her nose. This was her standard response to most offers of help, and Zoe saw straight through it.

"You've turned into a robot. That's what you always say when you're offered help, and you know for a fact you need it. Don't shut people out Connie, you need to let us in." She said quietly, just as the shuffling of socked feet against the wooden floors revealed Charlie holding a plate of sandwiches.

"Sort of used all your cheese, I'll pop out and get you some more later." He said, placing the plate down on the table. He and Zoe immediately took one but Connie looked away. Charlie noticed this and pushed the plate in front of her.

"Just one?" He asked and she quickly shook her head.

"I feel sick after the crying and the panic attack. They always make me feel queasy." She explained. "I couldn't."

"Please Connie, just a bite then?"

The woman shook her head firmly and Charlie sighed.

"You're so stubborn." He muttered, taking another mouthful of his and chewing it. "Not an attractive quality you know."

"I've been told I make up for it in appearance however." She said, raising an eyebrow before sitting up slightly, and reaching out to pull the crusts from a sandwich reluctantly.


	18. Sleeping Beauty

**Update!**

**The flashback at the end follows on from the one in the first chapter by the way :) Anyways, I hope you all enjoy and please leave a review if you can! -Sophie x**

* * *

Connie spent most of the day in silence, sat in the same spot on the sofa. Due to all the tears, she was absolutely exhausted, both physically and mentally. Her body ached from sleeping on the sofa rather than the bed, and her heart felt heavy with the knowledge that she'd never see her daughter alive again.

At around half past 3, Charlie and Zoe left for the shops to stock up Connie's cupboards, and an attempt to encourage her to eat. After insisting she would be fine alone, her two colleagues pulled on their coats and shoes and shut the door with a bang, leaving the clinical lead in a stony, empowering silence.

She could feel it creep into every room, blanketing everything it touched as it ebbed and flowed towards her. It washed over her, seeping through her skin and into her mind, soothing and relaxing her with every passing second.

Connie sighed softly, sitting back and closing her heavy eyelids until she sat comfortable and relaxed. She let her mind settle, everything becoming calmer and still until she felt her conscience slipping away, and her body fall until she laid in a serene sleep, deep, and god knows, needed.

…

Upon their return, Charlie and Zoe found their boss asleep, body still except the steady rise and fall of her chest.

"Shall we take her upstairs?" Zoe whispered from the door, and Charlie hesitated before nodding.

"You'll have to do it. My back's been playing up." He replied, watching Zoe slip her heels off and pad into the living-room, before leaning down and slipping an arm under her legs and an arm under her head. She then gently lifted the sleeping woman, instantly surprised at how light she was, and made her way to the stairs.

"I'm right behind you." Charlie said quietly as Zoe began to slowly ascend the stairs, reaching the landing with a relieved sigh.

"Which is her room?" Zoe looked round as Charlie opened one of the doors, only to shut it again quickly.

"Grace's." He mouthed as Connie sighed in her sleep, head turning the other way so it faced Zoe's shoulder. He opened the door next to it to find a deep red and white room, with a double bed in the centre. Charlie motioned for her to follow him and she entered, laying the sleeping woman down on the bed before pulling the duvet from underneath her and pulling it over her fragile body.

"Leave her door open." Charlie whispered as they left, "Just in case she has a nightmare." Zoe nodded and they went back downstairs, leaving their boss in peace.

They left Connie's change on the counter and unpacked their purchases, doing their best to navigate the many cupboards and drawers. During this time, they found 4 different, half empty bottles of wine in various different places. They tipped the contents down the sink and took the bottles straight out.

Once the duo had finished, they collapsed side by side on the sofa and flicked the TV back on. They settled to watch pointless- one ear on the show and one ear on the stairs for any sign of Connie waking up.

"Has she told Sam yet?" Zoe asked, crossing her legs.

"I'd imagine so."

"Shouldn't he be here then?"

"Well there wasn't much he could have done was there? Connie couldn't find her, the police couldn't find her… And he had a full time job on the other side of the world."

"I suppose there was that. But what's going to happen now? Will he come back for the funeral do you think?"

Charlie shrugged. "You'd have to ask Queen B. It's up to her to let him know she's been found."

"It must have been awful for him to get a call saying is daughter's gone missing, and he can't even be here to help…" Zoe trailed off, smoothing her skirt down. "This next call will be even worse."

"I know."

"It doesn't help that she was so young either. She was 8 for goodness sake!" Zoe exclaimed and all Charlie could do was nod.

...

_"__Laura I'm bored." Grace grumbled, sitting on her friend's front step whilst the other little girl kicked a pile of snow together with her feet._

_"__Me too. Want to go for a walk?"_

_"__Where?"_

_"__Shop?" Laura suggested, "I got my pocket money yesterday, I could share it."_

_Grace thought before speaking again. "Isn't that past Olive's house?"_

_"__Yeah, but it's through the snicket." The ginger haired girl said, as if that made everything better. Grace hesitated. She took no notice of her mother quite often, why would this be any different? And it was her fault for leaving her on her only day off too. Couldn't the bank wait? She smiled and jumped up._

_"__Go on then. Mum'll never know."_

_Laura grinned and ran to tell her mum they were going to the shop, before coming back out with her pocket money._

_"__I only have £2 but chocolate bars aren't that expensive." She said, handing Grace a £1 coin before leaving the front garden._

_They made their way down the street, racing each other to the snicket. Grace won and stuck her tongue out triumphantly._

_"__Ha ha loser!" She made an L sign with her hand before turning to go down the little path, only to stop when she realised there was someone coming up it. Out of politeness, the two girl waited until the figure came closer, recognising it as Olive Russell and her dog, Otis. When the old woman realised who was waiting, she grinned and pulled on the leash for the dog to move quicker._

_"__Hello sweeties. How are you?" She asked, reaching the two girls who immediately bent down to stroke the little terrier._

_"__Hello Mrs Russell. We're ok." They replied in unison, giggling at their synchronisation. _

_"__We're just going to the shop for some sweets." Grace explained, and immediately Olive's brain began to tick. She formulated a quick plan before smiling at the girls._

_"__I got some lovely pear drops at the market yesterday, I was meaning to drop them off for you both but I didn't have the time. Would you like to collect them now?"_

_Her mother's warning didn't even cross her mind when Grace nodded enthusiastically. "Yes please!"_

_…_

_Olive guided them into her house and through to the living room, where she let Otis off of his leash and went to get him some biscuits from the pantry. Laura and Grace stayed and fussed over him whilst the old woman was gone. He was a rather sweet animal really, with eyes the colour of chocolate rivers that could move mountains if they wanted to. He never barked or lashed out like the other neighbourhood dogs. In fact, Otis was probably the most well behaved dog the girls had ever met._

_Shame the same couldn't be said for Olive._

_She came hobbling back, clutching at her hip and groaning. Grace immediately frowned._

_"__Are you ok Mrs Russell?"_

_Olive sucked in a deep breath and shut her eyes, shaking her head. Grace stood from where she was knelt on the ground and motioned for her to sit down in one of the arm chairs. She did, and the brown haired girl looked to Laura then back at Olive again._

_"__Is there anything we can do to help?" _

_Olive looked up and smiled slightly, the glint returning to her eye. _

_"__Could you possibly go get them biscuits for Otis sweetie? I couldn't reach up to get them. And Laura, could you go call at number 17 and ask for Steve please? He knows what to do." _

_The girls nodded and disappeared. As soon as Grace went out of sight, Olive leapt up and crept out into the hallway, checking Laura was sufficiently far enough away before bolting and locking the front door. Then she tiptoed through to the kitchen, peering round the door to see Grace jumping for the biscuits. Grinning, Olive entered the kitchen as silently as she could, and with surprising speed for a woman of that age, darted to the pantry door and slammed it shut. She slid the bolt over until the desperate screams of that frightened young girl ebbed away into silence._


	19. The Clock Is Ticking

**Due to a lack of Casualty tonight (*cries*) I'm going to do some writing! So here is my latest chapter, and another should be up next week sometime :) **

**I hope you enjoy, and reviews would be most welcomed! Maybe what you'd like to see happen next? :D -Sophie x**

* * *

It was morning again, and Charlie awoke to a stiff neck and a dead arm, where he rolled over during the night. He groaned and sat up, moving his head from side to side to ease the pain, and wriggled his shoulder to try get some feeling back in his arm.

"That's why I said I'd have the chair."

Charlie jumped and turned around, cursing silently as a sharp stinging pain shot down his right hand side. Zoe was curled up in the armchair, a blanket covering her body and tucked under her chin. She smiled slightly, eyes still full of sleep and hair sticking up in various places from the tossing and turning that night.

"Well thanks for that. What time is it anyway?"

Zoe reached a hand out from the blanket and checked her phone.

"Half 9."

Charlie raised his eye brows.

"Never slept in this late before. Nice first, apart from the achy neck and dead arm. Is Connie awake yet?"

"No idea, I only woke up when you groaned. I practically felt the floor vibrate." She grinned as she watched him stand up, bending his back as he did so.

"Ha ha, very funny. I'm going to go see if she's up."

"Enter her lair, if you dare…" His colleague called in an ominous voice as he left the living room and went upstairs. He reached the landing and saw her door was open. As quietly as he could, the nurse made his way to her door, and knocked gently.

"Connie? Are you awake?" He whispered, tilting his head sideward so his ear was by the crack that led inside. With nothing to suggest she was up yet, he opened the door a little more, and poked his head inside.

Connie was sat upright in bed, cross-legged and looking straight ahead, phone clasped in her hands. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders in matted knots, and her face was visibly tired, though showed no other emotion.

"Silence was the stern reply." Charlie smiled slightly, but his colleague just ignored him, eyes looking over to the window, silent and un-moving.

"Want to talk?"

Connie, as if jolted from a dream, turned to look at him, shoulders relaxing. She picked at the nightclothes she was wearing and sighed.

"How did I end up in these?" She asked. Charlie shut the door and sat on the edge of her bed, careful not to sit too close to her.

"We had to change you, your clothes needed washing." Her eyes became alarmed and he quickly realised why.

"I asked Zoe to do it, don't worry. I wouldn't, of course I wouldn't." He reassured her. "Though if I were 20 years younger perhaps…"

Connie managed a little smile before setting her phone down on the bedside table.

"Easy tiger. I'd have rather you didn't have Zoe undress me, but there's nothing we can do about that now I suppose."

Her voice wavered, and she looked down, nibbling on another finger nail. With a small sigh, Charlie moved his hand to hers and brought it down to the duvet again.

"I got a call, about half an hour ago. From the police. They did Grace's post mortem last night."

Charlie's breath caught in is throat.

"What did they say?"

She closed her eyes and brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them like she did as a child.

"They… They… They…" She tried to speak, but the threat of tears cut her off each time. Dipping into his pocket, the nurse pulled out a packet of Kleenex, and handed them to her. She blinked, and the tears began to fall. She dabbed them away as she spoke.

"They said she had died of a combination of things. Damp, hunger, thirst, and an injury to her skull. They said it was a fracture, the sort created by a large blow to the head."

Charlie reached out and placed a hand on hers.

"But that wasn't everything they found. Tucked into her jeans was a note. I'm to collect it when I visit her at the morgue."

Charlie nodded, and watched as she sighed, letting the breath escape her body as she tilted her head back slightly and closed her eyes.

"What time do you need to be there?" The nurse asked, smoothing down the cover next to her.

"I can go anytime. The thing is, I'm not sure if I could face it. Yesterday, seeing her like that, so cold and pale; I just couldn't Charlie. I couldn't bear to see her again. But then the other half of my mind's telling me the clock is ticking. The police have arranged a funeral for tomorrow afternoon, which means I have until then to say… Goodbye." She whispered the last word, eyes pricking as she bit her lip, hands beginning to tremble.

Charlie closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and moving to sit facing the other way. He put his left arm out and placed it on her shoulder as she dissolved into tears, leaning into him as she began to sob, body racking with each heart-breaking sound. Charlie rubbed her bare skin in circles, gently resting his head on top of hers.

"Why did she have to die Charlie, why her? She didn't do anything wrong." Her voice was almost incomprehensible as the overwhelming sense of mourning and loss seized her mind.

He just sighed. "When you go into a garden, which flowers do you pick?"

Connie quietened before shrugging her shoulders slightly. He squeezed her softly, feeling her tears fall onto his trousers.

"The most beautiful ones."


	20. Dressed-Up Compliments

**This is rather short, but I wanted to get it up whilst I had the time :) This will be the last update until next Monday at least as I'm going to Germany with school on Thursday, and I don't get back until the early hours of Monday morning.**

**So, I hope you all enjoy as per usual, and of course reviews are always welcomed :D -Sophie x**

* * *

Charlie left Connie to dress and went back downstairs, running his hands through his hair. It was hard, seeing her like this. He may only be a nurse in that department, but he had been there from the very beginning- ever since it first opened. Since then, the man had gone through so much with his colleagues; seeing them rise, fall, burst through the ashes, and be buried beneath them. And no matter what happened, or how close or distant they were, Charlie cared for each and every one of them, as if they were family.

Deep down, he knew that Connie was no different. She was a bitch sometimes; even he was going to admit that, but that was just for show, just something she could use to mask the vulnerable woman trapped within. The woman who _did_ feel emotions other than anger, who _did _care about her staff, who _did_ have problems of her own, but was too proud to face them. All she needed was someone to listen, to be there, but above all- to care about her, and to actually want to genuinely help her.

And that someone was Charlie Fairhead. Whether he knew it or not, he came to really care about his boss, and seeing her so vulnerable, so inferior and left so broken by matters way beyond her control; it really got to him, there was no denying it.

He sighed deeply, stopping in the hallway, his socked feet cool against the wooden flooring. There was a soft shuffling noise from the living room, and Zoe opened the door, jumping when she realised he was stood there.

"Good god Charlie, you almost gave me a heart attack! What are you doing stood there? Is Connie up yet?"

"Sorry, lost in my thoughts." He smiled. "Yes she is, I left her to dress. She's pretty upset- Grace's post mortem was done last night. They said she died of a combination of things; damp, hunger, thirst etc, and a fractured skull like from a blow to the head. She said they found a note too."

Zoe frowned, leaning against the doorframe.

"A note?"

Charlie nodded. "That's all she knows. She needs to visit her at the morgue today, and a funeral's been arranged for tomorrow."

"Ok. I need to change out of these clothes, I might go ask if she has any that are too big for her…"

"Alright, knock first." He winked before letting her pass him to ascend the stairs. She knocked at her door, and Connie called her in.

"Morning." The consultant smiled, watching as her boss tugged a hairbrush through her knotty curls. She turned and smiled slightly, though her eyes remained emotionless.

"Morning, Zoe. Sleep well?"

"Like a log." She admitted, looking round her room. "Same can't be said about old Charlie though."

"If I had a spare room, you'd be more than welcome to it, but unfortunately I don't."

"It's fine, honestly. Charlie can have the chair tonight if needs be. Anyway, I came to ask if you have any larger sized clothes I could maybe wear?"

Connie turned around and placed the brush back on her dressing table before walking over to her wardrobe.

"Possibly, let me have a look…" She said quietly, thumbing her way through the tightly packed coat-hangers that strained the metal bar they hung from.

"Connie, I was wondering, will Sam be coming back for the funeral?"

The woman paused mid search. Her hand fell from the various fabrics, and she bit her lip before looking down.

"Yes. The police contacted him for me. He's arriving this evening."

Zoe was slightly taken aback. "Wow, that's quick. Will he be staying here with you?"

Connie shook her head quickly before continuing to rifle through her wardrobe. "He's staying in the Hilton down the road. Like I said, no spare room."

Zoe nodded, though with Connie's back to her, she didn't notice anyway. Her boss stopped and pulled out a black dress with a grey streak down one side. She held it up towards Zoe's figure, and smiled.

"This should fit. It's a size 14 so it's probably a little on the large side, but I'll have to do I'm afraid."

"Thank you. Though I'm a 14 usually so it should fit alright."

Connie raised her eyebrows in genuine surprise.

"Really? I thought you were a 12."

Zoe just laughed before opening her bedroom door again.

"With my alcohol intake? You have _got_ to be kidding me!"


	21. Think Like An English Teacher

**Hi! So I'm back in England now, which means I'll be updating again :D Here's the next chapter- I hope you all enjoy and reviews would be lovely :) -Sophie x**

* * *

An hour later and the three medical professionals sat around Connie's table, munching on their breakfast. Zoe and Charlie had two slices of toast each, cut into halves. Connie had a mug of coffee, and refused any offer to make her something.

"Today's going to be tough Connie, there's no denying it, but you need to have something inside you. Even if it's just a slice of toast, or even some shortbread with that coffee. You could end up collapsing, you know that." Zoe said gently, watching as her boss' nails tapped against the sides of her cup, eyes unseeing as she slipped from reality to her thoughts.

Charlie looked down at his plate to see one half of toast left. A quick glance at Zoe's told him she was finished too, so he stood and collected her plate, slipping his in front of Connie with a quick hand on her shoulder. Then he began the washing up, with Zoe at his side to dry.

Ever so slowly, Connie placed her arms on the table and picked up the toast. The smell alone made her nauseous, and it was now cold and very anaemic looking. She gently moved it to her lips, and took a small bite. Then another. Then another, until it was gone and only a few crumbs remained.

Charlie turned to collect her plate, only to find it empty. He smiled and picked it up.

"Well done. That wasn't so hard, was it?"

She shook her head before standing and going into the living room, hair trailed over one shoulder. Zoe watched her go, drying one of the plates until Charlie took it from her gently.

"Anyone ever told you it's rude to stare?" He asked, and Zoe blinked a few times before picking up Connie's mug.

"Sorry. It's just, she seems so different. Her lack of heels makes her smaller than you, and the lack of makeup makes her seem so vulnerable. I'm not quite sure I like it."

"Loss does funny things to people." Charlie said simply.

"I mean, I never liked her when she was shouty and arrogant all the time. Come on, I don't think anyone did to be quite honest. But I'd rather have confident Connie than quiet Connie. This doesn't seem like her at all." Zoe sighed, opening one of the cupboard door and placing the mug inside. It was only then that she realised what was on the cup- it was a photo of her and Grace, taken on a sunny beach somewhere abroad. They were both grinning, both in bikinis, and both happy.

"This doesn't seem like her because she's spent so long building up that reputation of being a no-nonsense ice queen. She masked herself with this new identity, and let this Connie be repressed until it no longer showed. But Grace's death shattered that exterior, and here she is on full show." Charlie explained, tipping the dirty water down the sink and drying his hands on Zoe's towel. She just looked at him in amazement.

"Have you ever thought about scrapping medicine and going into teaching English?" She asked, watching him grin and tuck in the chairs around the table.

"I just notice these things. You forget, I'm nearly 20 years older than you."

Zoe just raised her eyebrows and looked away, eyes sparkling.

"Well, your old man groan this morning certainly gave me a lovely reminder." She grinned, and ducked as he tried to hit her over the head with a table mat.

"Come on cheeky, let's go keep Queen B company." He said, letting his colleague go in front of him as he followed her into the living room.


	22. Mothers Know Everything

**Hello! Here's chapter 22- in the next chapter, we'll finally meet the man in question :D But I need to write it first, so I don't know when it'll be up xD **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update and as per usual- reviews would be welcomed :) They give me great incentive to write and I love to hear that people actually like my work xD It seems weird that someone out there actually genuinely enjoys these stories! Mad, mad world ;) -Sophie x**

* * *

The two walked into the room to find Connie stood facing the corner, phone pressed against her ear.

"Connie Beauchamp." She answered, and from the doorway, Zoe could faintly hear the murmur of a voice on the other end.

"What? No! I don't have one, you know that. No, I'd have told you if I'd have moved wouldn't I?!" She turned and Charlie saw her roll her eyes as she looked out of the window.

"For once, no I'm not. Do you remember Zoe Hanna and Charlie Fairhead? They both work in the ED? Oh, well anyway, they're with me. No, no you can't speak to them, it's none of your business. No!" She said harshly down the phone.

Charlie cleared his throat from the doorway, and held out his hand. Connie looked at him and rolled her eyes again.

"For goodness sakes, Charlie'll speak to you. I'll pass him on."

She gave him the phone then sat down on the sofa huffily, resting her head on her hand. Charlie wandered off into the kitchen, and Zoe sat in the chair opposite her boss.

"Who is it?" She asked, and Connie just sighed.

"Sam. The Hilton phoned to say they couldn't give him a room, and now he wants to stay with me."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

Connie looked up at her sharply. "Yes!" She said indignantly, "Yes it is!"

"Why? You had a baby together, surely you could sleep under the same roof for a night?"

"Had being the operative word in that phrase." She muttered, collapsing back into the sofa and sighing, running a hand through her tousled hair.

"Besides, people could talk. If they don't know the circumstances."

Zoe just rolled her eyes.

"You have got to be kidding me. The great Connie Beauchamp afraid of gossip? Never. It's your business and no-one else's. Anyway, it could be good for you- a familiar face that isn't me or Charlie." She grinned.

"I just don't know Zoe."

Connie crossed her legs and looked at the floor, deep in thought. She nibbled on another nail, and Zoe watched as she slowly bit it down to a stump. The consultant stood and placed an arm on her shoulder.

"If you don't do it for yourself, then do it for Grace. You know she'd have wanted him to stay." She whispered, and went through to the kitchen where Charlie was just finishing on the phone.

"Ok. Ok, see you then. Bye, bye." He finished and peered at the screen curiously, finger hovering as he tried to make out the "End Call" button. Zoe laughed and pressed it for him, before putting the phone on the worktop.

"So, what did he say?" She asked, leaning back against the worktop.

"He'll be arriving at Holby International at 5pm, he says he'll look for another hotel but I said I'd try wear Connie down." Charlie poured himself a glass of water. "Should be fun."

"No need." Zoe said airily. "We've had a chat."

"And?"

"I think she's mulling it over. I said to do it for her, for some company, and if not for her then for Grace."

Charlie's mouth dropped slightly. "Zoe!"

"What?" She frowned, confused.

"You can't use the woman's dead daughter against her like that!" He exclaimed, wafting his water about. "That's horrible!"

"I said it's what she'd have wanted!" The woman argued, "And I have a damn good feeling I was right as well!"

Charlie was about to open his mouth again when they noticed Connie stood by the door, arms folded in front of her.

"No no, you two carry on, act like I'm not here." She said dryly.

"Connie, I-" The nurse began to speak but she cut him off.

"Don't. I heard the full conversation. "I'd "try" wear her down" and "should be fun" and my favourite "the woman's dead daughter". Really know how to flatter a lady don't you." Her look was tired yet still icy before she turned to Zoe.

"But you were right. She would have loved that. I came in to get my phone to text him on, but I seem to have gotten a little side-tracked."

"Seriously, Connie I apologise. I shouldn't have phrased it like that." Charlie handed her the phone and she snatched it away before going back into the living room. Once she was gone he pulled a face.

"I saw that Fairhead." She called from the front room, and for the second time that day, his mouth dropped.

"How on earth?" He whispered, looking over to the door.

"You forget." Zoe grinned, rinsing his glass out before re-filling it for herself and moving towards the hall. "She's a mother, and mothers know everything."


	23. Unknown Happenings

**Hallo guys! This chapter focuses on the return of Mr Sam Strachan :D I hope you all enjoy and reviews are always welcomed :) -Sophie x**

* * *

Charlie and Zoe stayed until that evening, when there was a loud knock at the door. They glanced to each other as Connie stood and went to open the door, her movements almost hesitant. She moved the bolt and undid the chain before turning the key and pushing the handle down. The door swung open, and there, stood on her doorstep, was Sam Strachan. He had a rucksack over one shoulder and was holding a small case with his other arm.

"Hello Connie." He smiled slightly, fingers drumming the handle of his case.

"Sam. Come in." She nodded and stood back so he could enter. He slipped his shoes off and placed them next to Connie's under the coat rack. He straightened up and looked around, running a hand through his hair.

"It's barely changed at all." He commented, moving forwards so Connie could shut the door. She gestured to the living room with her right hand.

"Go through. Charlie and Zoe are just watching TV." She murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and following him inside.

"Nice to finally meet you in person." Charlie smiled, standing up and shaking his hand. "So sorry for your loss."

"Thanks." He replied, turning to Zoe.

"Me too." She added, and gave him a quick hug before stepping back and clearing her throat.

"Well, we're going to get off- leave you to settle in." She smiled, picking up her handbag. "If you need anything Connie just call."

The clinical lead nodded and Charlie placed a quick hand on her shoulder before following the consultant out of the door. Connie made sure they shut the front door before she went to lock it, then hovered by the sofa in the living room. Sam stood by the armchair, also silent until he gave out a short laugh, making Connie jump.

"You could cut the awkwardness with a knife in here. We've seen each other naked for god's sakes." He grinned, and the woman just perched herself on the arm of the sofa, crossing her arms.

"Mmm. Well, this will be your room until you fly home. You can leave your case and bag between the arm chair and the TV there." She pointed to just next to where he stood, and he nodded before sitting down.

"Any chance of a drink?" He asked, eyes looking hopeful. She shook her head.

"Charlie and Zoe threw out all my alcohol after I nearly topped myself. Even the one's I'd forgotten I'd hidden."

"You tried to top yourself?!" He exclaimed, mouth dropping. "Connie why didn't you call? E-mailed, text, anything! I'd have helped, you know I would!"

"It's not that simple alright?" She said sharply, sliding onto the actual seat and crossing her legs, before beginning to nibble on a nail. "You have no idea what it's been like."

"Well it's not been all hunky dory for me either you know." He frowned. "How would you have felt, being thousands of miles away whilst knowing your daughter was out there somewhere and not being able to help find her? It's pure torture."

"What, and being here wasn't?!" She laughed deliriously, though her eyes were still piercing. "You think it was any easier? I took two months off to find her Sam. _Two. Months._ And the nearest I got was absolutely fuck all. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't function. And when I came face to face with the woman who kidnapped her, I tried to kill her. I could have lost my job but I didn't care; I couldn't live like that anymore. I needed some kind of closure, of finality. And now I'm getting it, two months too late. No, it shouldn't be getting any at all because it shouldn't have happened in the first place. You see? This is all that goes round my head, day after day after bloody day. _This_ is sheer torture. The guilt of it all. The mind numbing thoughts that circle in your mind like vultures, waiting to attack."

By this time, Connie had tears in her eyes that glistened in the fading light, and her whole body had begun to shake like a leaf. Sam looked over to her from his chair, and his eyes contained nothing but sympathy.

"Connie…" He breathed, watching as the woman he once knew shake her head as she faded away into this vulnerable shell of a being. It was then he noticed just how much she had changed during those years they spent apart. Her hair had grown longer, but now looked mousey and thin compared to the luxurious locks he remembered. Her face was paler, freckles like rocks dotted about on a sandy beach. The most prominent change however was her figure; she'd lost so much weight that her clothes barely fit her, and hung loose like curtains draped from a rail. Her collar bone was clearly visible, and her wrists were like that of a malnourished child.

Without saying a word, Sam stood and moved towards the sofa, and sat down next to her. Gently, he placed his hand on hers and rubbed the back of her hand gently.

"The past is in the past." He said quietly. "There's nothing we can do about it now, except stay strong and keep our heads up."

Connie didn't say a word. She just stared down at the carpet, back slightly hunched as she nibbled on her nail. Her hair fell over her face, and Sam moved it back behind her ear gently.

"Con?" He asked, but she shook her head before standing up.

"I'm going to bed." She muttered, picking up her water from the table and wiping her eyes. "See you tomorrow."

"Connie-" Sam called, but she simply walked out of the room and half slammed the door behind her. He stayed where he was and sat back before sighing deeply.

Upstairs, the clinical lead went into her bedroom and shut the door, before leaning against it on the other side. She tilted her head back as the tears came thick and fast, and took some shaky breaths as her knees gave way and she slid to the floor. Connie placed her head on her knees and sobbed, until she could no longer muster up any more tears to cry.


	24. Photographic Memories

**Here's the next chapter! I was wondering, what would you like Connie and Sam's relationship to be like from here on? I could write it either way, but I wanted to know what you think :) Let me know in the reviews? Just so I can make a start on the next chapter (and procrastinate my homework xD)**

**Hope you all enjoy! -Sophie x**

* * *

After her breakdown on the floor, Connie decided to find herself some clothes for the funeral tomorrow. She stood, legs unsteady even beneath her mere weight, and made her way to her large wardrobe. Most of her clothes were either black or white anyway, so it wasn't particularly hard to find the colour, it was more the perfect choice that troubled her.

An hour of rooting later and she had found 3 suitable outfits; the first was a black blouse and black skirt, which was what she had been wearing the day she found out she was pregnant. The second was what she had worn to her father's funeral a few years before- a solemn black top and black trousers, and the third was similar to the previous, which she wore to Jeff's funeral.

The first outfit leapt out at her the most and she hung it up on the back of her door. It was a small symbol of finality; she had come the full circle with her little girl, and soon she'd be put to rest.

By 11pm, her street was plunged into darkness and the stars had come out to shine. Connie sat on her window ledge, looking up at the sky. The occasional bat or owl flew past, heading towards the woods behind her house, sending out a shrill call as they flew.

The distant stars twinkled and shone and she looked on, and her mind wandered to the man downstairs. She couldn't help but think she'd been a little too harsh on him. He _had_ had it tough, she had to give him that. It must have been hard, not being in the same country. Each time Grace used to go visit him in America, she used to worry like mad; what if something happened and she wasn't there? What if she got homesick?

"I should go apologise…" She whispered to herself, resting her forehead against the cool window pane.

"There's no need." She jumped and clutched the handle on the window to stop herself from falling off of the ledge. Sam was stood in the doorway to her room, arms crossed in front of him.

"Ever heard of knocking?" She muttered, standing up and tucking her hair behind her ears. "It's usually classed as polite when staying in someone else's home."

"I was worried. I still am." He corrected himself. "Listen, can we talk? Please? Properly."

Connie paused and glanced towards her bed. She bit her lip and nodded, before sitting on her usual side of the bed. Sam closed the door and came to sit on the other, clasping his hands together on his lap as he stretched his legs out in front of him.

"You still sleep on the left side." He commented, glancing down to her bare nails that dug into her palms. "Some things never change."

"Whereas a lot of other things do." She said quietly, before taking a deep breath.

"So. Is there someone else now?"

Sam was slightly taken aback at the question, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"She's called Sally. It's an on and off thing." The doctor cleared his throat. "Currently off."

Connie wondered why he clarified that for a few moments, before dismissing it and leaning back.

"Zoe and Charlie seem nice, though I didn't have you down as the friend's kind of person these days. Elliot I could understand, but you've only been working in the ED, what, less than a year?"

"And your point is?" She raised an eyebrow and Sam looked away.

"It's just you're usually so independent. It's another change I've noticed in you, though a nicer one compared to some others."

"If you had been here, from the day she went missing, then you'd understand." Connie said slowly. "And only then."

Sam didn't speak for a few moments, but then his face lightened.

"Isn't that the outfit you were wearing when you found out about Grace?" Connie followed his line of sight to the back of the door, and she nodded. He laughed slightly.

"I've brought the suit I wore the day she was born. Seems we're on a similar wavelength."

"Mmm." The woman murmured, as Sam stood and went towards the door.

"I brought something to show you. One sec." He ran downstairs, then a few minutes later ran back up. He re-entered the room holding a photo album and sat back down.

"I found this the other week. It's from when she was born and her visits with me in America. I thought you might like to see it."

The clinical lead sat up and pulled it onto her knee, and opened the cover gently. The first page was the very day she was born. Immediately Connie's eyes pricked, and she smiled as the startlingly blue orbs of her baby daughter looked up at her. She ran her finger over her face, and turned the page. There were some of her wearing her first outfits, getting her first bath and her first nappy change. Connie laughed quietly as she noticed the photo of her first bottle feed. Connie's manicured hand was just visible as it held the small plastic bottle.

"I remember that like it was yesterday." She whispered, and Sam nodded.

"Me too. Mainly because she threw up on me afterwards."

She carried on working her way through it, until she came to the very last page. It was her latest visit over the pond, and had a few pictures of her going sightseeing, as well as one when she fell asleep in the car. The last one however, was a picture of her and Sam together. They both looked so happy in the sun, their faces beaming and smiles wide. That was it; the tears began to fall, and she removed the picture from the album.

"You can keep that, if you want. I have a framed copy at home."

Connie nodded and wiped her eyes, before placing it on her bedside table, leant against her lamp. She looked at it and sobbed, body trembling and her face flushing.

"I'd like to go to bed now." She said quickly, sniffing and looking away. Sam stayed where he was however.

"Let me in Connie." He whispered, and she bit her lip. "You're trying to build up that icy exterior again, but it's just crumbling. It's crumbling and you're exposed and you don't like that. But I'm here now, I'm not your enemy. I'm here for Grace but I'm also here for you. I know she'd want me to be. "

Connie closed her eyes briefly, before letting them flutter open again. She turned to look at him, and saw that his eyes were watery too. He held his arm out, and in a moment of weakness, she leant into him, head on his shoulder. She sat there and sobbed, her tears soaking his Los Angeles t-shirt. He rested his head on hers and let a few of his own tears escape too, feeling them trail down his cheeks.

This was the first time Sam had seen her like this; at her very lowest point, a strong woman broken.

And he never wanted to leave her side again.


	25. Chapter 25

**Hi guys,**

**I have my first GCSE exam in two days (Lord help me) which means I'm going to have a good two months of exams and revision. This also means that I probably won't have enough time for writing for a while.**

**So, this is just a quick message to say updates on this story won't be as regular as they usually are, if at all- if I get a spare two minutes then I will try writing but I don't imagine it will be updated 'til around the middle of June- my last exam is the 16th of June but I still have to stay in school after that apparently ;-;**

**So I hope you have a great couple of months without me around (I'll still be on PM I imagine so if you fancy a chat then I'll be there xD) and I'll see you soon!**

**-Sophie x**


	26. They're people

**I'm back! I left school today so I'm going to start updating again :D I'd recommend re-reading the last chapter, just invade you'd forgotten anything :)**

**Reviews would be lovely and I hope you all enjoy! -Sophie x**

* * *

Sam woke first the following morning, and felt very confused for a few moments until he realised where he was. He was still in the same position as last night, his arm around Connie's side and his head on hers. The consultant was still asleep, curled up against him, breathing softly. Sam smiled and kissed the top of her head gently before sliding off of the bed and padding downstairs.

The house was silent and still, yet another reminder of the loss that left a gaping hole in their lives. The doctor yawned and poured himself a glass of water, before glancing at the time- 8:57am. In just a mere 6 hours, the grieving mother and father will say goodbye to their little girl for the last time, before she goes behind that curtain and never comes back. Sam took a deep breath at the thought, his hand shaking ever so slightly as he placed the glass back on the worktop and he looked out of the window.

Today was going to be tough; tough beyond anything he'd ever dreamed of, and he knew that. But there was still a small part of him that hoped this was all just some horrendous nightmare, and that he'd wake up soon in his warm bed in America with Grace bouncing on him to get up. He closed his eyes and pinched the back of his hand, but to no avail; he was still stood in Connie's kitchen a few seconds later. He sighed and sipped at his water again.

"Trust me, I've tried that too many times."

Sam turned to see Connie stood leaning against the door frame, arms crossed in front of her. She had wrapped her dressing gown around her and her hair was tucked behind her ears. Her eyes, still sleepy, looked at him as he smiled slightly.

"Was that to get me back for last night?" He asked and she raised an eyebrow.

"Thought so. Couldn't sleep?"

"No. As soon as I realised what day it was, there was no chance." She admitted, coming and sitting down at the table, clasping her hands in front of her. "Plus you'd disappeared, I had to come and investigate."

"Oh naturally." He grinned, sitting in the chair next to her. "Would you like some breakfast making?"

Connie shook her head. "I feel sick."

"Just have a slice of toast." He pressed but she shook her head firmly. Sam just sighed.

"Half a slice then. I'm under strict orders from Charlie to make sure you eat something before he and Zoe get here."

Connie looked up sharply. "Excuse me?"

"He called last night, saying they'll be here at half past 2. He told me about you not eating."

"He had no right to do that." She exclaimed. "Tell you my private business then invite himself round, how dare he. He's done this before too!"

"Connie calm down!" He soothed, watching her stand and fold her arms, before going to stand by the sink. "It's only because he cares about you!"

"He had no right!" She span around and glared at him. "I don't want the whole world knowing my private business thank you very much."

"But I'm not the whole world am I?" He stood and moved towards her. "I'm me, the father of your child and someone who loves you dearly. We used to be able to tell each other everything, don't you remember?" He looked at her hopefully, but all he saw in her eyes was anger.

"I'm going to get dressed. Don't disturb me." She hissed before pushing past him and going up the stairs. Sam ran his hands though his hair and sighed.

Today was going to be one hell of a day.

…

At 10am Connie set off for the morgue, taking a taxi rather than risking her life driving. In the state she was in, taking her car would have meant almost certain suicide. Once she reached the bleak looking building, she paid the driver and walked in, her stomach doing front flips as she walked up to the reception desk.

"Hi, I've c-come to identify someone?" She asked, unable to mask the tremors in her voice. The kindly old woman motioned for her to take a seat, and she didn't have to wait long until a small-ish woman with ginger hair came out of a door.

"Mrs Beauchamp please?" She called, and scanned the people waiting until she saw Connie move. She smiled and led her into her office.

"Mrs Beauchamp, lovely to meet you. I'm Janet Fellows, you'll be coming with me to see Grace today. Is that alright?"

Connie nodded and smiled slightly, twisting a ring round and round her finger.

"Now we'll go as soon as you feel like it- don't rush yourself, take your time. We've got as long as you need." She smiled, and Connie nodded again, taking a few deep breaths.

"Ok." She said quietly. "I'm ready."

"Alright. I'm surprised there's no-one with you actually? We usually see at least 2 people together."

"Yes well, change of plan." Connie cleared her throat and followed Janet down a brightly lit corridor with paintings either side. They came to another door, and the small woman scanned the card on her lanyard and pulled it open. Immediately Connie felt a chill run down her spine as the cold air hit her, and she began to shake slightly.

"It's quite alright lovely, we just keep it cool here so we can keep the bodies for longer."

"People." Connie said, not looking at her. "They're people."

"People." Janet confirmed before shutting the door and taking the consultant into a dim room. She stopped by another door with Grace's name on it.

"Now, this leads to the viewing room. There'll be a window between you and her, but she's going to be in there, ok? Just to prepare you so it doesn't come as a shock, her injuries seemed to have worsened slightly when she was brought in. It's quite common, don't worry. Ready?"

Connie looked at the door with slight apprehension before nodding. She breathed in as the door opened, and out as she stepped through. As soon as her eyes fell on her daughter however, her face began to crumple. Janet held out a box of tissues and she took a few gratefully as she began to sob.

"That's her." She said through her tears. "That's my Gracie. That's her. Now I want to leave, now please."

"Alright." She ushered Connie back into the dim room and sat her down on a chair, placing the box of tissues on the table in front of her. Janet let her calm herself down before handing her a small box with her name on it.

"As you saw she only had a sheet on; these are her clothes and a piece of paper that was found with her. Would you like to take them?"

"Yes please." Connie took the box and opened it, noticing the paper first. She looked up at Janet.

"Have you read it?"

"I won't lie, yes I have. I was part of the team who dealt with her when she was brought in."

"What does it say?" Her eyes were pleading and they glistened under the small light in the corner. Janet looked uneasy.

"She wrote it. To you. You should read it on your own."

The woman looked down at the piece of paper. After a moment of thought, she nodded before going into her bag and pulling out a carrier bag.

"These are for her. For the funeral. It's her picture and her favourite outfit."

"Oh yes, thank you for that, I'll make sure she looks as pretty as a picture, don't you worry."

They went back to reception together and said their goodbyes, before Connie called a taxi and sat on the steps outside, clutching the shoebox. She decided to read the note after the funeral and save herself the heartache.


	27. Shattered Mugs, Shattered Minds

**This chapter is slightly shorter, but only because the next will be the last! It's nice and long as a sort of goodbye present, but there will be a short epilogue after that too ;) **

**Hope you all enjoy and reviews would be lovely! -Sophie x**

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By the time half past 2 came that afternoon, both Connie and Sam were dressed in their outfits, and were sat in silence in the living room waiting for Zoe and Charlie. Connie didn't tell him about the shoebox. Neither spoke to the other, both looking in different directions, feeling the atmosphere grow more and more tense until the doorbell rang. Sam sighed with relief and went to stand, before Connie shot up and went to open the door.

"Charlie, Zoe." She nodded at them and motioned for them to come in. Charlie had his best suit on, and Zoe wore a long black dress and clutched at a black purse. They looked at each other before following their boss into the living room.

"Sam. Nice to see you again." Zoe smiled, giving him a quick hug and stepping back so the two men could shake hands.

"Thanks for coming." He smiled, and gestured to the sofa. "Can I get you a drink?"

"That would be lovely, thanky-"

"-I'll get them." Connie interrupted before moving into the kitchen quickly. Sam sighed and sat down.

"She's been in a mood with me all day."

"A blind man could see that." Charlie muttered, taking his usual seat. Zoe stayed stood up, hovering by the coffee table.

"So," The nurse asked, "what have you done to upset her?"

"All I did was tell her you called. I don't get what's so bad about that." He shrugged, listening to the sound of the kettle boiling in the kitchen. "She's overreacting."

"It's a hard day for her, especially after having to deal with it for the past 2 months on her own. She's bound to be emotional, you've just got to give her some time." Zoe smiled, before jumping as the sound of a smashed pot rang throughout the house. The three looked at each other, just as Sam made to move.

"No, Sam, leave it- I'll go." Zoe said quickly, getting to her feet and disappearing round the corner. Zoe opened the door to the kitchen slowly, and found Connie stood trembling in the middle of the room, staring down at the smashed mug with wide, scared eyes. Silvery trails made their way down her cheeks, and her fingers were coated in a layer of sticky red blood.

"Alright Connie, alright." She said softly, stepping over the remains of the mug and putting her arm around the shaking woman, before leading her to the table and sitting her down on a chair.

"It's ok." She whispered, rubbing her shoulder as she took a quick look at her injuries. The broken shards had cut the pads of the fingers on her left hand, but they only needed cleaning and a few plasters. Looking up, she spotted a first aid box on the top of the cupboard and reached up to get it. Then she wet a tea towel in the sink and gently dabbed at the woman's hands.

"Thank you." Connie's voice was barely a whisper, and her voice shook uncontrollably.

"Don't mention it." She winked.

Once she was all patched up, Zoe made a start on clearing up the floor.

"I don't know what happened." The taller woman said, clearing her throat. "I heard Sam say I was overreacting then it just… dropped."

"You don't have to explain yourself, it was an accident." Zoe reassured her. "You didn't mean to. Though I will say this, and please don't fly off of the handle with me, but I think you should make amends with Sam before you leave for the church. It's the least you could do. For Grace." She added, before standing and pouring the contents off the brush and pan into the bin. Connie was silent, evidently deep in thought, and the other woman smiled.

"I'll send him in and leave you to it." She whispered, before rubbing Connie's shoulder and going back into the living room. The two men looked up as she entered.

"She dropped a mug. Cut a few fingers but it's nothing a plaster or two can't fix, she'll be ok."

Sam's face visibly relaxed.

"I said I'd send you in to talk to her." Zoe aimed her words at him. "She heard you say she was overreacting. Go sort it out before we leave please, you've got 10 minutes."

He raised his eyebrows before saluting.

"Yes ma'am." He muttered before going into the kitchen. Zoe sighed and collapsed into the armchair, looking over to Charlie.

"Did you give him hell for saying what he did?" She asked. He simply looked over to her and tilted his head.

"What do you think Zoe?" He broke into a smile. "What do you think."


	28. Goodbye darling, I love you

**This is the last official chapter guys! I'll post an epilogue but this is the last proper update.**

**I just wanted to say thank you for all you lovely words and support- it's all meant so much :D **

**This chapter is sad, I won't lie, so I hope you all forgive me for kind of tugging at your heart strings a little!**

**I hope you all enjoy and reviews would be very kind! -Sophie x**

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Connie and Sam emerged from the kitchen, just as the clock turned 2:50pm. Charlie and Zoe were stood in the hall talking, and looked up when they appeared.

"Kissed and made up kids?" Charlie asked, and Connie raised her eyebrow.

"The latter was enough thank you. Come on." Her voice faltered and Sam bit his lip as they left the house and went out into the garden. Parked at the side of the road was the hearse, ready and waiting to go. Connie's breath caught in her throat when she saw it, and Charlie put his hand on her shoulder.

"Do you want to go in front or with me and Zoe?" He asked quietly. The woman looked from one car to the other.

"You and Zoe." She decided, pulling her handbag further up her shoulder. "Please."

"Let's go then. Sam, are you going with the hearse?" He asked, and the man nodded. The adults got into the cars and set off, with Charlie driving and Zoe in the back. Connie sat in the passenger's seat, her eyes never leaving the small oak coffin in front of her.

It was only when they began to move that the consultant realised her neighbours were out on their doorsteps, heads bowed. Most of them knew Grace quite well, and they were bound to have heard about the body and put two and two together. Connie silently thanked them as the car turned off of her road.

…

Once they reached the church, they were met by the minister who would be leading the service. He was a short man with greying hair, and introduced himself as Charles Collins with a solemn handshake.

"I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs Beauchamp, I really am. And you too Mr Strachan, so very sorry."

"Thank you. Shall we go take our seats?"

He nodded and they walked into the church, Connie looking back every few steps. They were the only four guests, at Connie's request, so they sat themselves down on the first row with Sam and Charlie nearest the end.

"We're going to help carry the coffin, if that's ok with you?" Sam asked quietly, looking at the consultant who bit her lip and nodded.

"Be careful." She whispered, and Charlie smiled.

"We will, I promise."

After being signalled by the minister, the two men went outside, leaving Connie and Zoe alone. The taller woman was fiddling with the plasters on her fingers nervously, trying to distract herself from the inevitable that she wished wasn't going to happen. Though as the music started up, she rose and glanced back.

At the front of each side was Charlie and Sam, both looking straight ahead. As they walked, Sam gently rested his head on the cool oak and bit his lip, blinking furiously. Charlie took some deep, shaky breaths as they reached the front and placed the coffin onto the platform behind the minister's podium. Then the two men made their way back to their seats, Zoe on one end and Sam on the other, just as Charles started to speak.

"As Jesus said in the Bible, "He who believes in me will live, even though he dies." We are here today to mourn the death of Grace Beauchamp, a lively, bubbly girl who was a treasure to all that had the privilege to meet her…"

He went on, and the more he spoke the more Connie felt the sobs rising within her chest. It was when Sam got up to speak that they eventually made an appearance.

"You know, when she was younger Grace used to come in and jump on my bed to wake me up when she visited. She'd jump and bounce and leap until I eventually got up, and even to this day I think that's the best way to be woken up. By my beautiful daughter and her bright, shining little face inches from mine. Her visits were the highlights of my year; they turned my dull life upside down for a week or so at a time, and they were the best weeks I ever had."

Sam took a deep breath and laughed slightly, his eyes meeting Connie's as they began to water.

"She was brought up such a gorgeous child, and if I could have lived here and seen her every day then I would have done in a heartbeat. When she boarded that plane home for the last time, I had no idea the next time I'd meet her would be like this." He gestured to the church as the tears began to fall. He turned to face the coffin and smiled.

"I love you so much sweetheart." His voice cracked and the tears came faster. "And I'll love you forever and ever until I can hug you again, I promise." His hand brushed against the coffin before covering his mouth and going to sit down, where Charlie clapped him on the back.

"Well done." He whispered as the minister started talking again. Once he had finished it was Connie's turn to speak, then the small coffin would be rolled behind the curtain. She stood, legs trembling and made her way to the podium. She had written a speech down, which she held in front of her, but she couldn't make the words come out. The woman stood for a minute or so just trying to work herself up to speaking. When she finally did, it wasn't what was on the sheet in front of her.

"Grace was my daughter." She began, putting the paper down on the podium. "She was the only person that I loved, and she was the only family member I had left. Now she's gone, and I don't know what to do anymore." Connie paused to wipe her eyes before going on.

"She was my world- her, my beautiful baby girl. Not my work like everyone seems to think. No, where she was concerned work was merely a wage. I always did my best to be with her as often as I could. When she went missing, my life fell apart. I spent my days searching for anything that might lead me to her, until I was close to giving up. The police found nothing, there was no-where else left to look and I was exhausted. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything but my Gracie. When Olive was brought into the ED and I finally realised where she was, I thought I'd be elated, over the moon- but I wasn't. I was still clinging onto the hope that she was still alive, and when I saw her small, pale body in the policewoman's arms, I knew that was it- she was gone. And do you know what the worst thing was?" Connie looked at each of the three guests in turn.

"I never got to say a proper goodbye." She whispered, smiling slightly. "I never got to tell her how much her mummy truly loved her, and how much she had always meant to me. So I'm going to say it now."

She turned like Sam did, to face the coffin. Connie spoke to the picture that sat on top of it, the one she'd given Janet at the morgue. It was from a Christmas a few years ago, when she got dressed up especially for the occasion.

"Grace, you always meant to world to me. I loved you more with every single passing day, and my biggest regret is not telling you that. I'm never going to forget all the amazing times we had together, and I hope you'll look down on me from up there and forgive me for not telling you all this sooner." Connie picked up the photo and kissed it gently.

"Goodbye darling," she whispered, "I love you."

She put the photograph back and went back to her seat, where Zoe had stood so she wouldn't be on the end. Charlie and Sam stood too as the coffin began to creak and slowly move behind the deep purple curtain. All four were tearful, but Connie was close to hysterics, crying "no, no, no" over and over again. When it became too much, her legs gave way beneath her and she collapsed onto the pew, head in her hands as she howled.

Charlie rubbed her back soothingly as she leant into him, shaking against his side. She stayed like that until it was time to go, until Sam took her in his arms as they wept for their beloved daughter, together at last, reunited.

The sun broke out from behind the clouds as they left the church, and Connie tilted her head back, letting the warm rays fall on her skin. That was it; her pain was over. It was time for the next chapter of her life. She wasn't stupid, she knew she'd never get over this- but she knew that she would move on, thoughts of her daughter never leaving her mind, as sort of a comfort blanket for her conscience.

She was gone. She was safe.

She was free.


	29. Epilogue

**Here is the epilogue I promised, seeing as I have no story scheduled to be updated today. Remember the piece of paper found with Grace that Connie received from the morgue? Well, the contents of that will be revealed here as well as the ending I know a few of you were hoping for :)**

**I am so glad you all liked the last chapter, and I hope this final update will do the story justice. Last reviews of course would be appreciated, but other than that I hope you enjoy and thank you for sticking around to see the end :D -Sophie x**

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"_Mummy,_

_I write this in the dark so I hope you can read it. I don't know what is happening or what I'm going to do. Olive hurt me then locked me in here. I found this piece of paper and pen waiting for me, I think she left it for me to write to you._

_I hope you come find me soon. It's dark and cold but I will be ok until you get here. I know you will be looking for me because you love me, and I love you too mummy._

_I don't think I will die here but if I do then I want to say I am sorry for all the times I said I hated you. I love you lots and lots and lots forever._

_Your,_

_Gracie xxxxx_"

Connie re-read the scrawly handwriting for what seemed liked the millionth time that day. The wavy lines of words continued to swim in front of her eyes, the realisation that this could have been her daughter's final actions never really sinking in.

She was sat in her living room in the middle of the sofa, letting the fading light surround her as the sun began to fall outside the window. Charlie and Zoe had long gone, after many rounds of "will you be okay?" and "we can always stay a little longer" and "call us if you need _anything_" at the door. Her and Sam had been left alone.

He returned from his shower just as the clinical lead put down the letter, tucking her long brown locks behind her ears and looking up sharply when she heard him sigh.

"I know I know." She muttered, sitting back and edging sideward so he could sit down. Both pairs of eyes fell on the slightly yellow piece of paper.

"I don't know what to do now." Connie's voice was quiet as it broke the silence that had unknowingly formed. "I feel as if I'm in some kind of limbo."

"It's going to take time, but you'll get there." His reply was soft but the woman was unconvinced.

"But what if I don't? What if I'm stuck feeling like this for the rest of my life Sam; grieving for a time I'll never get back. One where I had my daughter and life was_ good_." Her hands were trembling as she picked up her mug of coffee, the brown liquid almost spilling over the sides as she lifted it to her lips.

Sam sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head back slightly.

"I've been offered a job at St James'." He said quietly, "America is too far now, too far away from the people I care about. I was thinking about moving back to Holby."

Beside him Connie was silent, and Sam tentatively opened his eyes. She sat frozen, a look of pure disbelief on her face as she blinked at him.

"What?"

"I said I've been offered a job at St James'-"

"No no, about being too far away from the people you care about. What was that supposed to mean?" On the outside she became defensive, but her eyes told a different story. They softened slightly when she quoted his words.

"Stop playing ignorant Connie, I've dropped enough hints on caring about you since I got here. You've just lost our Grace, you're going to need someone to be there for you."

"I have Charlie and Zoe." She retorted, though the harsh words were only half hearted. The man could see she was slowly losing her own fight.

"You know what I mean." His words were gentle and seemed to cover Connie in a blanket of security, of love and care and everything she had missed. The woman sighed, her resistance crumbled. She looked straight into his eyes.

"Where would you stay?"

"I have a consultant's salary, I'm sure I could find somewhere close by." He smiled. "I saw the house a few doors down is up for sale?"

"Too close." She raised her eyebrows and managed to smile, her pearly white teeth making a rare appearance. Sam smiled too and sighed again.

"You should smile more often you know. The whole "Ice Witch" domina really doesn't suit you like it did. Your smile lights up your whole face, it's beautiful."

The brunette was slightly taken aback by his comment, but the gentle stir of her heart told her it was a good reaction.

"Thank you." She whispered, "For caring."

"I don't just care about you." His eyes twinkled in the light from the lamp as he moved slightly closer to her. "I love you, and deep down I know I always have done."

Right there, sat on her sofa as dusk turned to night and the stars began to shine, Connie realised that she loved him back. She had felt somewhat incomplete since his move to America, and during the couple of days he had been back in her life, she had felt much more whole than she had done in years. Deep down, she had always loved him too.

Without speaking, Connie banished the space between them as she placed a gentle kiss on his lips. It was soft, sweet and tender, everything it used to be.

"So do I have your approval for this new job?" He whispered as they broke away, and the woman nodded, her eyes never leaving his.

"We deserve a happy ending."

…

That night marked the beginning of the rest of their lives. And from up above, in the shine of the stars and the rays of the moon, Grace let them know of her approval.

It truly was a happy ending, for all three of them, forever.


End file.
